friends forever?

today I m suppose to get done wif my fail meja..seen my mum doing it..it almost kills her..hehe..but here, the fail meja aint so thick pon..but the things I need to have in it, aren’t available right now..i mean the source are all outstation..
Anyway my issue for the week would be frenship kot..i find it very disappointing that my very very bestfren ( or so I thought he was ) declined my needs of having his details as my sahabat karib in the borang keselamatan. I wonder wats the big deal wif d form dat he actually denied me..u see ppl, once I declared the names of my sahabat karib, one out of the 2 would be interviewed by the special branch..well in order to confirm whtr one is fit to work in the govt, they hv to interview ur close frens to make sure I m an alrite person, has nothing to do wif any pergerakan kiri or smthng like dat. N the details I gave them are valid…
so anyway, back to my point. maybe all this while its juz me who sees him as a bestfren. To him, I m juz another fren..so I guess my forms are to no importance to his life..now, for all these 11 years of frenship, dun tell me suddenly ur girlfren wld be jealous if u ever give me ur details…well, this is not my first time kot of having so-called bestfrens who dun really care…but I almost never learn anything from it..i always treat frens like goodfrens..goodfrens like bestfrens, n treat my bestfrens like siblings…I m not hating my fren now, but I guess I juz need to choose them wisely..n never take it that 11years is a long time to ever declare a best fren..years of frenship plays no role in determining the best…this issue I take it to my heart bcoz I think highly of him, regard him as a brother n his family as mine.. of course its his right to decline wateva nonsense I needed..but actually bcoz its from him, dat bothers me the most..i m used to rejections, so basically I dun mind frens of no real connection rejects me..but not him..
to my bestfren, guess u might know who u r, now I know where I stand in that world of yours. U were important ( maybe still are) in my life, guess I wasn’t in yours..
well enuf of my issue..i m kinda hungry…all this air cond makes me hungry..

me, him n God

i had some govt training for the past 10 days..being away from my 'normal' life makes me missed every single detail of my daily routine..i miss my favourite frens, i miss chilling out, i miss the kids i taught..i miss my disastrous life..i miss being unable to distinguish love n lust..i miss affection and attention...n most of all, i miss the person i ve been missing the most..pathetic? i guess so..but once loneliness knocks ur door, its juz so hard not to entertain those feeling..for 2 hours plus, i had a heart to heart talk wif the guy i miss the most..talking bout my life after him..how my life was so lost...i thought i was near to god ( or at least wanting to be there), but how i actually turn to both ways...i know god loves me, but He really challenges my will n courage..n at times He let me fall..but each time i fell, He still lets me walk back on track..i hope He wont let me be off track forever..my courage n will arent as strong as i wanted it to be..each time i pray as hard, i m gona digress as hard as well..odd..i still havent cleanse my heart..purify it..is this really is something dat i have to go thru, or issit me getting myself into trouble..things i used to hate 5 years ago, i come to appreciate it now..it took me 3 hardfalls to make me realize how he was actually taking care of me..oh God, i know u have answers to all of this..but i do notice,questions i post to u, is always answered by clues..at times , i can interpret..but most times, i juz had to pass thru those dark times..i hope i have enuf courage to go thru this, n i hope he would get his life back on track.. funny how God actually test us wif the similar dugaan..n how we failed n strive the same way within this year...God pls, help us both..i juz wanted us to become better ppl..not otherwise..