i am currently reading some stuff regarding to our language , i mean Bahasa and the steps taken to uphold this regional language. and i'm somewhat confused while reading texts prepared by the very people who is upholding our bahasa.
sentences like :
- ini akan mewujudkan suasana menang-menang bagi industri b*k* dan kedinamikan ilmu.
- pelaksanaan kegiatan [ masukkan sebarang persatuan ] ditanggung oleh masing-masing negara anggota.
and i go like ,wtf??! ok fine. back in school, i always got grade 2 for my monthly tests just because my Bahasa usually lands on c7, but sentences as above is totally shitty man. i mean, what the hell is suasana menang-menang? i know, it's win-win situation in English , but does that sentence make sense? if say, i was a no brainer in english, would that suasana menang-menang bagi industri *toot* make sense?
ditanggung oleh masing-masing negara anggota? can't we just go by saying ditanggung oleh negara anggota? what's the masing-masing for?
if this kind of sentence is exactly the benchmark for marking Bahasa papers, then it's no wonder i got c7 every month before my SPM trial and SPM itself. i can't fucking merepek or expand my sentences to go to such great length.
and yet we fret that bangsa melayu tidak akan maju when we no longer uphold our 'obviously unstable/unsteady' language. in this multilanguage country, i believe we need more than only a language to succeed and to actually strive beyond the heights of KLCC.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
good things come to those who waits?
does anyone believe in this? does good things really come to those who waits?
well, i used to say that to someone. indeed good things did came. but for such a short while. and bad things came and never leave after that. never at all. they became memories and somehow altered my characters or my views on certain things.
am not saying i dont believe in the statement , but i do believe too that some good things won't come when u just wait. hence i believe some opportunities need to be knocked , at least twice, and not necessarily be stopped at that.
and yeah, to my buddy 77, i think it's good and courageous of u to actually take the initiative to promote yourself on things that u believe u will be able to cope with, u dare to take up the challenges and positive enough to learn new things. i am so proud of u.
well despite i have such realizations in me, i have to admit that on certain things i do procrastinate, i delay, or didn't even find any possible opportunities, contohnya menjahit baju kurung, or go learn another language, or playing instruments, or start studying. walhal these are things that i wanted to do, or at least have been contemplating on doing it for ages. well, i have got to the very first step to all of these things, but i just don't follow through. shuck. me and my lazy bum.
but anyways, just so u know, i would always find ways or opportunities in making myself a better person. despite being stubborn and whatnot, i have to give myself some room to learn and adapt and adopt new things. but am not always positive. there are times i am not quite sure of myself. i mean, i know where i want to go, but how , where and when have always been shaky or vague. but then again, like my dad used to say, and i used to jot down here, it's me to decide. i am the core, the centre, of my own life.
and if i am patient enough, persevered enough, persistent enough, worked hard enough, certain things would come true. now, good things come to those who waits, but not without working on it, no?
or else, dah lama dah kain baju kurung ni siap jadi baju. LOL.
well, i used to say that to someone. indeed good things did came. but for such a short while. and bad things came and never leave after that. never at all. they became memories and somehow altered my characters or my views on certain things.
am not saying i dont believe in the statement , but i do believe too that some good things won't come when u just wait. hence i believe some opportunities need to be knocked , at least twice, and not necessarily be stopped at that.
and yeah, to my buddy 77, i think it's good and courageous of u to actually take the initiative to promote yourself on things that u believe u will be able to cope with, u dare to take up the challenges and positive enough to learn new things. i am so proud of u.
well despite i have such realizations in me, i have to admit that on certain things i do procrastinate, i delay, or didn't even find any possible opportunities, contohnya menjahit baju kurung, or go learn another language, or playing instruments, or start studying. walhal these are things that i wanted to do, or at least have been contemplating on doing it for ages. well, i have got to the very first step to all of these things, but i just don't follow through. shuck. me and my lazy bum.
but anyways, just so u know, i would always find ways or opportunities in making myself a better person. despite being stubborn and whatnot, i have to give myself some room to learn and adapt and adopt new things. but am not always positive. there are times i am not quite sure of myself. i mean, i know where i want to go, but how , where and when have always been shaky or vague. but then again, like my dad used to say, and i used to jot down here, it's me to decide. i am the core, the centre, of my own life.
and if i am patient enough, persevered enough, persistent enough, worked hard enough, certain things would come true. now, good things come to those who waits, but not without working on it, no?
or else, dah lama dah kain baju kurung ni siap jadi baju. LOL.
Friday, March 28, 2008
fertility
i guess my fertility gets me the opportunity :D
well, friends, i am bloody excited rase nak meletup tp tersangkut actually right now. i was chosen to participate in the CFP (cross fertilization program) that i've mentioned once before. is participate the right word? i dunno.
so it's bye-bye Hishammuddin, and the whole gang in education. sobs, pret.
to my favourite friends: abang hilang akal, 77, farrah, ridzuan, don't cry for me yeah. the next interview is in June. try again. we might see each other again, hmm maybe New york? LOL.
gosh, am so excited, but i wish those tight friends of mine could join me too. but anyways, it's not the end of the world. and i wouldn't be going anywhere pon for the next year and a half. boleh lagi lunch kat alamanda , K-Lynn. :D
gosh. rasa syahdu gak to leave such cool division that i just joined last January. cool people, cool bosses, cool opportunities. i hope good things would come my way once i'm posted in the Ministry atas bukit. [yo Ecah, we can do breakfast together now. hehehe.]
for the time being, i can't party or celebrate just yet coz i'm agak tergolek kongkang for the next minister-ial trip in April. so that has to get out of my way first before i could be partying (err, i mean mamaking la kot. hehe) or terlompat atau apa sahaja aksi melampau yang menggambarkan kegembiraan. or maybe karaoke sampai lebam. heh.
thank you for all the wishes i got over the phone walaupun couldn't talk for long atas sebab meeting2 tergempar in the office. love u people. thanks for being such a supportive crowd. and azni, by me going there, it means that you no longer have excuse to not go vacation at all. first jimba2 trip with me would be : visiting me. [tgk2 kat Conacry . LOL]
to Azral, thank you for your tips. ;) and selamat 'advance' pengantin baru.
well, friends, i am bloody excited rase nak meletup tp tersangkut actually right now. i was chosen to participate in the CFP (cross fertilization program) that i've mentioned once before. is participate the right word? i dunno.
so it's bye-bye Hishammuddin, and the whole gang in education. sobs, pret.
to my favourite friends: abang hilang akal, 77, farrah, ridzuan, don't cry for me yeah. the next interview is in June. try again. we might see each other again, hmm maybe New york? LOL.
gosh, am so excited, but i wish those tight friends of mine could join me too. but anyways, it's not the end of the world. and i wouldn't be going anywhere pon for the next year and a half. boleh lagi lunch kat alamanda , K-Lynn. :D
gosh. rasa syahdu gak to leave such cool division that i just joined last January. cool people, cool bosses, cool opportunities. i hope good things would come my way once i'm posted in the Ministry atas bukit. [yo Ecah, we can do breakfast together now. hehehe.]
for the time being, i can't party or celebrate just yet coz i'm agak tergolek kongkang for the next minister-ial trip in April. so that has to get out of my way first before i could be partying (err, i mean mamaking la kot. hehe) or terlompat atau apa sahaja aksi melampau yang menggambarkan kegembiraan. or maybe karaoke sampai lebam. heh.
thank you for all the wishes i got over the phone walaupun couldn't talk for long atas sebab meeting2 tergempar in the office. love u people. thanks for being such a supportive crowd. and azni, by me going there, it means that you no longer have excuse to not go vacation at all. first jimba2 trip with me would be : visiting me. [tgk2 kat Conacry . LOL]
to Azral, thank you for your tips. ;) and selamat 'advance' pengantin baru.
pictures
as of March 13th, this is how my car looks like :
as of today, i still have no news of my car. sigh.
and since last sunday, this is how my fringe looks like :
yeah, i know. i look young and stupid. LOL. ina, does my hairdo inspires u now? :D
Monday, March 24, 2008
tonight
..all i want to do is rock.
.. and ponder.
"one thing i've noticed in young couples is that the boys often seem to do the majority of the talking, rambling on, wanting everyone to listen to them, to heat them, to acknowledge them ; and then in older couples the gentleman often sits silent with a distant look in his eyes as the woman chatters on like rain falling. at what age, i wondered, does the switch take place?" [ash wednesday]
.. and ponder.
"one thing i've noticed in young couples is that the boys often seem to do the majority of the talking, rambling on, wanting everyone to listen to them, to heat them, to acknowledge them ; and then in older couples the gentleman often sits silent with a distant look in his eyes as the woman chatters on like rain falling. at what age, i wondered, does the switch take place?" [ash wednesday]
what do u think?
if you people happen to be in this meeting room, with an arsehole for a chairman, uttering shits like this :
"if i ever find out any of u sokong pembangkang or read malaysiakini, i'll make u suffer, i'll make u lose your job"
"for postcab(-inet), i want ALL SUB to attend. no matter u kat alaska, london, by wednesday u must be in the postcab, kalau tak u seolah2 tak hormat i"
"kenapa vote opposition? so let them suffer" ( when she wanted the projects from her ministry to be canceled in Penang, and other 'Opposition' states)
and has to reveal her pistol on her body by shifting her jacket and needs an entourage that consist of 35 arse-kissers and a bodyguard to carry a box to fill it up with handphones that might ring while she was chairing the meeting,
what will you do or say? where will u be, walk off or stay?
and i'd say 'go finger yourself and die' ........ and walk away.
"if i ever find out any of u sokong pembangkang or read malaysiakini, i'll make u suffer, i'll make u lose your job"
"for postcab(-inet), i want ALL SUB to attend. no matter u kat alaska, london, by wednesday u must be in the postcab, kalau tak u seolah2 tak hormat i"
"kenapa vote opposition? so let them suffer" ( when she wanted the projects from her ministry to be canceled in Penang, and other 'Opposition' states)
and has to reveal her pistol on her body by shifting her jacket and needs an entourage that consist of 35 arse-kissers and a bodyguard to carry a box to fill it up with handphones that might ring while she was chairing the meeting,
what will you do or say? where will u be, walk off or stay?
and i'd say 'go finger yourself and die' ........ and walk away.
let's get this straight
okay, i am in the mid of chin-high workload but right now am kinda pissed off with the state of this country. well, yeah i just done reading some sections of the papers today.
now let me get this straight. who is who la in this country?
fine if we have this constitutional monarchy and parliamentary democracy, but do u guys know what's this sh*t all about?
no? me neither. but i have to say, that i am getting insulted by people who seems so yakin of the Menteri Besar-ial power, that they have to HAVE it, by hook or by crook. like hellooooo? when are u guys gona start doing your work for the rakyat la if the post is a constant debate for the past 3 weeks. crazy or what? can we just shut the fuck up and start doing work? can we just work for the sake of rakyat, and not the money , the wealth, the power or the seat?
i am like bloody pissed off la ni. the things the government hated once, are now done by they themselves. am telling u, once u are oppressed, u just gona lose your minds. in the end, everyone is plainly power-crazy.
everyone's a hypocrite, come political gains and agendas. shit. can we just start a new party with no hidden agendas? with us being apolitical? haish. why do i have this feeling that everything written on the papers are all wayang? be it the ruling party or the Oppositions , whatever state you are in la.
can i just make do without the newspapers now?
ok, back to work. tata.
now let me get this straight. who is who la in this country?
fine if we have this constitutional monarchy and parliamentary democracy, but do u guys know what's this sh*t all about?
no? me neither. but i have to say, that i am getting insulted by people who seems so yakin of the Menteri Besar-ial power, that they have to HAVE it, by hook or by crook. like hellooooo? when are u guys gona start doing your work for the rakyat la if the post is a constant debate for the past 3 weeks. crazy or what? can we just shut the fuck up and start doing work? can we just work for the sake of rakyat, and not the money , the wealth, the power or the seat?
i am like bloody pissed off la ni. the things the government hated once, are now done by they themselves. am telling u, once u are oppressed, u just gona lose your minds. in the end, everyone is plainly power-crazy.
everyone's a hypocrite, come political gains and agendas. shit. can we just start a new party with no hidden agendas? with us being apolitical? haish. why do i have this feeling that everything written on the papers are all wayang? be it the ruling party or the Oppositions , whatever state you are in la.
can i just make do without the newspapers now?
ok, back to work. tata.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
must be my age
i woke up early, as always. and before my breakfast date today with khairuan (well, it's like the only time of the day we ever go dating pon, breakfast! heh), i manage to cut my fringe shorter dan kini i look stupid and young. LOL. or bak kata khairuan, i look like i didn't bathe at all this morning. hampeh!
anyway, berkenaan tajuk for this entry, i find it hilarious that this whole week all the nasihat/stories/excuses i got mingles around cerita boyfriend, jodoh and kahwin2.
k1 : fika (that's how he spelt my name), i think we have to cancel our breakfast tomorrow. i got a class to attend.
me : what class r u attending la?
k1 : kursus kawen.
me : aik, kursus kawen. u dah nak kawen dah ke?
k1 : ala gi kursus aje. kawen2 nanti pon takpe.
me : hmm okay.
k1 : we have it sunday ok?
maka this morning we had breakfast, where i got to know kursus kawen ni alasan haram aje sebenonye. the real reason was, hmm ape ek, i dah lupa. was it partying? owh, kawan dia nak datang . hampeh. i was about to ask, 'eh kursus kawen kat mana yang sehari aje ek? ' :P
yesterday morning, me and ben had to send my aunt to KL. Aunty Mala, mom's sister. along the way from sri kembangan to KL :
AM : zura, zura dah ade bf belom?
me : takde la aunty. tak jumpa lagi.
AM : zura, jangan memilih la sangat. org muda setahun dua tahun pon takpe ( at this moment, i wonder where did she get the notion that i might be seeing younger guys la kan. hehe)
me : hmm okay *grin*
AM : zura tau tak umur uncle joe sekarang berapa?
me : erm, how old are u ek aunty?
AM : i am 46 now.
me : then uncle joe is 44 then.
everyone in the car laughed like crazy. Aunty was not aware that i knew that Uncle Joe is 2 years younger than her. hahah. gotcha!
..sambungan
AM : tu la zura. it's ok if he's young, asalkan dia responsible , tak tinggal semayang dan sume tu.
me : hmm okay *grinning all the way to KL*
(panjang lagi cerita ni, but only up til here that this story is significant to my tajuk, lain2 was about berkat doa nenek, gossip Rina and her new bf yang Pak Uteh and Mak Uteh tak minat, cerita cinta Aunty Mala sendiri. heh. irrelevant.)
next was the call i got from Azam at 2.30pm all the way from Turkmenistan dengan ayat awalan :-
Azam : hang dok buat apa?
me : tidoq la beb. pedia? sapa ni? aku duk mamai lagi ni.
azam : ish, ni azam la. weh rafiqa, hang dah time dah ni ada boyfriend. biaq hidup hang bermakna dari tido ja hari ahad ni.
me : (hampeh) weh, i dah kuar bersosial la arini , like for breakfast. now am just tired.
azam : kalo hang ada bf, tak la se'tired' ni. u should go out dating la rafiqa. get new bf. go get married.
me : weh, funny la this week i got nasihat kawen2 aje. from my aunt, from friends, from officemates.
azam : seriously rafiqa. u are 27 this year. it's the age to start to think of having a family. masyarakat melayu kita mmg dah risau if anak dara this age tak kawen2 lagi (azam ni tak kenal azni lagi ni. hehehe)
me : nanti la azam. aku dok serabut lagi ni. taktau nak pilih sapa ni. kawan skola aku ka, kawan aku yg aku minat tp tak minat kat aku. heheheheh.
azam : weh, pi la habaq kat mamat hang minat tu pasal minat hang ni. satgi terlepas hang yg merana.
me : weh bodo, aku malu la. i think he should know la by now.
azam : nanti hang yg rugi. and since when hang malu ni woi? haha
malas nak terang lebih lanjut. the conversation revolves around ciri2 calon lelaki yang layak menjadi suami, berilah peluang pada mereka yang memerlukan, tidak ape bercinta lelaki sebaya, a guy yg berubah menjadi lebih baik should get more consideration, dan rafiqa, hang dah tua. (hampeh!)
anyway, i just thought i want to share this , all this with u guys. do i look like i am in dire need of a serious commitment and personal attention? ( don't tell me if i do. haha.)
or maybe, just maybe that indeed i fancy a person that's obviously bad for me, but hating the one that's supposed to be good for me? and yet, i know hanya Tuhan sahaja yang mengetahui, tapi i was just being keras hati? hmm, takpe. hanya Tuhan sahaja yang mengetahui.
anyway, berkenaan tajuk for this entry, i find it hilarious that this whole week all the nasihat/stories/excuses i got mingles around cerita boyfriend, jodoh and kahwin2.
*
*
friday night, i got a call from khairuan :k1 : fika (that's how he spelt my name), i think we have to cancel our breakfast tomorrow. i got a class to attend.
me : what class r u attending la?
k1 : kursus kawen.
me : aik, kursus kawen. u dah nak kawen dah ke?
k1 : ala gi kursus aje. kawen2 nanti pon takpe.
me : hmm okay.
k1 : we have it sunday ok?
maka this morning we had breakfast, where i got to know kursus kawen ni alasan haram aje sebenonye. the real reason was, hmm ape ek, i dah lupa. was it partying? owh, kawan dia nak datang . hampeh. i was about to ask, 'eh kursus kawen kat mana yang sehari aje ek? ' :P
*
*
yesterday morning, me and ben had to send my aunt to KL. Aunty Mala, mom's sister. along the way from sri kembangan to KL :
AM : zura, zura dah ade bf belom?
me : takde la aunty. tak jumpa lagi.
AM : zura, jangan memilih la sangat. org muda setahun dua tahun pon takpe ( at this moment, i wonder where did she get the notion that i might be seeing younger guys la kan. hehe)
me : hmm okay *grin*
AM : zura tau tak umur uncle joe sekarang berapa?
me : erm, how old are u ek aunty?
AM : i am 46 now.
me : then uncle joe is 44 then.
everyone in the car laughed like crazy. Aunty was not aware that i knew that Uncle Joe is 2 years younger than her. hahah. gotcha!
..sambungan
AM : tu la zura. it's ok if he's young, asalkan dia responsible , tak tinggal semayang dan sume tu.
me : hmm okay *grinning all the way to KL*
(panjang lagi cerita ni, but only up til here that this story is significant to my tajuk, lain2 was about berkat doa nenek, gossip Rina and her new bf yang Pak Uteh and Mak Uteh tak minat, cerita cinta Aunty Mala sendiri. heh. irrelevant.)
*
*
next was the call i got from Azam at 2.30pm all the way from Turkmenistan dengan ayat awalan :-
Azam : hang dok buat apa?
me : tidoq la beb. pedia? sapa ni? aku duk mamai lagi ni.
azam : ish, ni azam la. weh rafiqa, hang dah time dah ni ada boyfriend. biaq hidup hang bermakna dari tido ja hari ahad ni.
me : (hampeh) weh, i dah kuar bersosial la arini , like for breakfast. now am just tired.
azam : kalo hang ada bf, tak la se'tired' ni. u should go out dating la rafiqa. get new bf. go get married.
me : weh, funny la this week i got nasihat kawen2 aje. from my aunt, from friends, from officemates.
azam : seriously rafiqa. u are 27 this year. it's the age to start to think of having a family. masyarakat melayu kita mmg dah risau if anak dara this age tak kawen2 lagi (azam ni tak kenal azni lagi ni. hehehe)
me : nanti la azam. aku dok serabut lagi ni. taktau nak pilih sapa ni. kawan skola aku ka, kawan aku yg aku minat tp tak minat kat aku. heheheheh.
azam : weh, pi la habaq kat mamat hang minat tu pasal minat hang ni. satgi terlepas hang yg merana.
me : weh bodo, aku malu la. i think he should know la by now.
azam : nanti hang yg rugi. and since when hang malu ni woi? haha
malas nak terang lebih lanjut. the conversation revolves around ciri2 calon lelaki yang layak menjadi suami, berilah peluang pada mereka yang memerlukan, tidak ape bercinta lelaki sebaya, a guy yg berubah menjadi lebih baik should get more consideration, dan rafiqa, hang dah tua. (hampeh!)
*
*
anyway, i just thought i want to share this , all this with u guys. do i look like i am in dire need of a serious commitment and personal attention? ( don't tell me if i do. haha.)
or maybe, just maybe that indeed i fancy a person that's obviously bad for me, but hating the one that's supposed to be good for me? and yet, i know hanya Tuhan sahaja yang mengetahui, tapi i was just being keras hati? hmm, takpe. hanya Tuhan sahaja yang mengetahui.
Friday, March 21, 2008
HAND-bag
yeah, i was tagged by Lucy (heh!) wanting me to reveal the things i have in my handbag. walhal he got tagged with ' the things he has in the wallet'. mcm tak aci la kan. anyway, i thought of spending time on my blog, so why not. a friend called me up, suggesting me to write something on the kiss of life (i hope this was what u meant la :D), at the back of my mind thought i wanted to share my slight heartbreaking news (coz of late i've been the jiwa lara sorta girl ) ,at the same time wanting to grunt of how my life hasn't been progressing at all ( like the bass hasn't move since the day i put it there, and my brother apparently is playing the keyboards when it was me yg semangat mcm haram getting them in the first place. :P, and i haven't started kelas menjahit baju kurung, or making cards business, or studying for my Govtal papers, or TOEFL, and so many other things.)
but since all those topics need more time for me to think and ponder, i shall proceed first with the intipati of my handbag despite i am so bloody sure that the number would at least cecah 30 things that i could afford to have in my handbag. LOL.
first and foremost, i only have a black MNG bag, which is obviously not rare, coz Azni bought the same bag around the same time without each other knowing that we both bought it.
so the list are as such :
1. the translation of Al-Hikam, the book that bro anonymous mailed me last week. Baru page 16 coz i had to fetch my aunt just now. and i was reading that Ash Wednesday somewhere around dinner time.
2. my Kenneth Cole purse yang inti patinye lebih resit dari wang kertas.
3. my Body Shop compact powder and lipstick. untuk keperluan before a meeting.
4. a Kotex maxi pad and few Carefree pantyliners. (eh, betul ke nak tau isi kandung handbag ni? LOL)
5. payung lipat jenama Esprit, sebab tgk Azni's blue one seems smart. (no, i didnt get that blue one though. heh and plus skang ni musim hujan)
6. my Nokia handphone charger. ops. let me rephrase that. my dad's Nokia handphone charger. (yeah, the phone and the charger are his.)
7. 2 Hansaplast plasters , u never know bila2 akan terluka :P
8. 2 MOE keychains, kot2 la people need some souvenirs. LOL.
9. 2 big hair clips, few small black clips, and a rubber band.
10. 2 lipglosses and 1 eyeliner
11. a bonjela (sbb i had ulcer last week) and ubat mata (the doctor in UH gave me to treat my luka atas kepala, boleh? )
12. sepapan panadol and sebutir Carinox for hidung tersumbat
13. my Polo glasses, because i have astigmatism.
14. my Scottish coin purse which i had since i was 13.
15. my Tag kerajaan and of course name-tag hitam putih kerajaan. yeah shake, u still have my name tag right? :D
16. my thumbdrive and a hotel sewing kit (coz apparently i always either berjaya 'ter'koyakkan skirt or tertanggal butang heh)
17. 1 batang pen souvenir from Hong Kong and 1 batang pen dakwat basah warna biru.
18. my new govtal name card along with everyone else's name cards. and free meal Kenny Roger's card , expired on the 16th.
19. Resit2 parking Mandarin Oriental, Dorothy Perkins, price tag payung Esprit tadi (heh) and a piece of kertas conteng.
last but not least, a blank greeting card with gambo 2 baju depan kad tu, satu baju laki , satu baju perempuan , with the word 'love you' on each baju. which i bought just because i find it cute. or perhaps to use it on rainy days, like terjumpa mamat kiut di Mandarin Oriental maybe. LOL.
now, am kinda lazy to tag anyone. whoever feels like spilling , please do so and let me know yea.
and to Lucius Maximus, what do u think now, have u know me a lil bit deeper now? hahaha.
but since all those topics need more time for me to think and ponder, i shall proceed first with the intipati of my handbag despite i am so bloody sure that the number would at least cecah 30 things that i could afford to have in my handbag. LOL.
first and foremost, i only have a black MNG bag, which is obviously not rare, coz Azni bought the same bag around the same time without each other knowing that we both bought it.
so the list are as such :
1. the translation of Al-Hikam, the book that bro anonymous mailed me last week. Baru page 16 coz i had to fetch my aunt just now. and i was reading that Ash Wednesday somewhere around dinner time.
2. my Kenneth Cole purse yang inti patinye lebih resit dari wang kertas.
3. my Body Shop compact powder and lipstick. untuk keperluan before a meeting.
4. a Kotex maxi pad and few Carefree pantyliners. (eh, betul ke nak tau isi kandung handbag ni? LOL)
5. payung lipat jenama Esprit, sebab tgk Azni's blue one seems smart. (no, i didnt get that blue one though. heh and plus skang ni musim hujan)
6. my Nokia handphone charger. ops. let me rephrase that. my dad's Nokia handphone charger. (yeah, the phone and the charger are his.)
7. 2 Hansaplast plasters , u never know bila2 akan terluka :P
8. 2 MOE keychains, kot2 la people need some souvenirs. LOL.
9. 2 big hair clips, few small black clips, and a rubber band.
10. 2 lipglosses and 1 eyeliner
11. a bonjela (sbb i had ulcer last week) and ubat mata (the doctor in UH gave me to treat my luka atas kepala, boleh? )
12. sepapan panadol and sebutir Carinox for hidung tersumbat
13. my Polo glasses, because i have astigmatism.
14. my Scottish coin purse which i had since i was 13.
15. my Tag kerajaan and of course name-tag hitam putih kerajaan. yeah shake, u still have my name tag right? :D
16. my thumbdrive and a hotel sewing kit (coz apparently i always either berjaya 'ter'koyakkan skirt or tertanggal butang heh)
17. 1 batang pen souvenir from Hong Kong and 1 batang pen dakwat basah warna biru.
18. my new govtal name card along with everyone else's name cards. and free meal Kenny Roger's card , expired on the 16th.
19. Resit2 parking Mandarin Oriental, Dorothy Perkins, price tag payung Esprit tadi (heh) and a piece of kertas conteng.
last but not least, a blank greeting card with gambo 2 baju depan kad tu, satu baju laki , satu baju perempuan , with the word 'love you' on each baju. which i bought just because i find it cute. or perhaps to use it on rainy days, like terjumpa mamat kiut di Mandarin Oriental maybe. LOL.
now, am kinda lazy to tag anyone. whoever feels like spilling , please do so and let me know yea.
and to Lucius Maximus, what do u think now, have u know me a lil bit deeper now? hahaha.
to the ANONYMOUS
this entry is dedicated to an encik bro anonymous. whom until to this very day has remain anonymous. to you to me. and to all my friends.
sir, i have to thank you for the book u mailed me. i am so bloody terharu. i know, it must be of your best interest not to reveal nor sign the book that u posted, but i, on the other hand, could not comprehend the idea of not knowing. perhaps ilmu has its own mysterious way to get to you. but i am sure despite u being mysterious, it would be of great advantage for me to know u in person.
and i am sure, UKM is so not far from my office, and i would be more than glad to make the courtesy call to u. i believe that we could or might share the same interest and/or would be able to berpadu kuasa untuk memajukan bangsa. pergh. mcm surat rasmi la pulak.
and just so you know, all the way from Bahagian Sumber Manusia to this very spot, i manage to get done with the first 5 pages of the book. and i m not even sure if i am able to sambung kerja today. i might just hook to this book you gave and ditch azni's ash wednesday for awhile. :D (yes, i bring the book everyday to the office, utk bacaan ketika di bilik termenung. LOL)
i believe that perhaps i might have sounded astray from my very core believe and i have lost my bearings in search of god or things like that. so thank you for the book that would work as a (constant) reminder of the things i have overlook in life.
btw, permasalahan kawen-kawen is still something beyond my capability to discuss about. nak carik pon dah malas n dah letih. tp listening to ceramah from my mum pon agak meletihkan jugak. hehe. my dad pulak, is quite okay with me kahwin lambat2 ni, but he is just worried that i am boyfriend-less. LOL. malas la nak ade boyfriend lelama and sudahnye tak jadi ape. such a waste of my flirting time. LOL. [paragraph ini adalah jawapan bagi komen bro anon di entry bawah. hehe. lazy to open comment box. :P]
sir, i have to thank you for the book u mailed me. i am so bloody terharu. i know, it must be of your best interest not to reveal nor sign the book that u posted, but i, on the other hand, could not comprehend the idea of not knowing. perhaps ilmu has its own mysterious way to get to you. but i am sure despite u being mysterious, it would be of great advantage for me to know u in person.
and i am sure, UKM is so not far from my office, and i would be more than glad to make the courtesy call to u. i believe that we could or might share the same interest and/or would be able to berpadu kuasa untuk memajukan bangsa. pergh. mcm surat rasmi la pulak.
and just so you know, all the way from Bahagian Sumber Manusia to this very spot, i manage to get done with the first 5 pages of the book. and i m not even sure if i am able to sambung kerja today. i might just hook to this book you gave and ditch azni's ash wednesday for awhile. :D (yes, i bring the book everyday to the office, utk bacaan ketika di bilik termenung. LOL)
i believe that perhaps i might have sounded astray from my very core believe and i have lost my bearings in search of god or things like that. so thank you for the book that would work as a (constant) reminder of the things i have overlook in life.
btw, permasalahan kawen-kawen is still something beyond my capability to discuss about. nak carik pon dah malas n dah letih. tp listening to ceramah from my mum pon agak meletihkan jugak. hehe. my dad pulak, is quite okay with me kahwin lambat2 ni, but he is just worried that i am boyfriend-less. LOL. malas la nak ade boyfriend lelama and sudahnye tak jadi ape. such a waste of my flirting time. LOL. [paragraph ini adalah jawapan bagi komen bro anon di entry bawah. hehe. lazy to open comment box. :P]
Thursday, March 20, 2008
less ordinary
i was chatting with azni just now. talking to her about my miseries . to be exact, all the miseries that comes exactly today. all the things that i needed to consider. and decisions i should make. and things that i should let go. and things that i might just wait and see, and let time decide.
and suddenly, my love song, a very very very bloody old song was playing out of my itunes. this song.
terus jiwa jadi lara. terus memories came to my head. and the lyrics.
'take me in your arms again, lead me in my dreams again, so what is it worth, i'll sell my soul, what is it worth, only u know'
anyway if u guys want to sing along to this song, here are the lyrics.
I smoke myself into a haze in the afternoon
Enveloped heart, and the air is cool
Put on your dress, white Goddess
And Settle in as the weather folds
In the slow haze of the afternoon
Swaying hips, made like a gun
Blackest sails, the most beautiful
Star....
In the world, in the air, on my tongue
Before my eyes, beyond the stars, beneath the sun
So....
Take me in your arms again, lead me in my dreams again
So.....
What is it worth?, I'll sell my soul, what is it worth?
Only you know
You were conceived in my heart, came like a dream
To save me from my mortality
Put on your dress, white Goddess
And settle in as the weather folds
Our lives will be entwined, even when I die
You'll see me through 'till the end of time
No earthly bride, the most beautiful
Star....
In the world, in the air, on my tongue
Before my eyes, beyond the stars, beneath the sun
So....
Take me in your arms again, lead me in my dreams again
So.....
What is it worth?, I'll sell my soul, what is it worth?
Only you know
[Repeat last section after solo]
p/s : why do i think i am kind of mellow this few days ek? odd innit? my song lists has been playing too much love songs la kot. LOL.
and suddenly, my love song, a very very very bloody old song was playing out of my itunes. this song.
terus jiwa jadi lara. terus memories came to my head. and the lyrics.
'take me in your arms again, lead me in my dreams again, so what is it worth, i'll sell my soul, what is it worth, only u know'
anyway if u guys want to sing along to this song, here are the lyrics.
I smoke myself into a haze in the afternoon
Enveloped heart, and the air is cool
Put on your dress, white Goddess
And Settle in as the weather folds
In the slow haze of the afternoon
Swaying hips, made like a gun
Blackest sails, the most beautiful
Star....
In the world, in the air, on my tongue
Before my eyes, beyond the stars, beneath the sun
So....
Take me in your arms again, lead me in my dreams again
So.....
What is it worth?, I'll sell my soul, what is it worth?
Only you know
You were conceived in my heart, came like a dream
To save me from my mortality
Put on your dress, white Goddess
And settle in as the weather folds
Our lives will be entwined, even when I die
You'll see me through 'till the end of time
No earthly bride, the most beautiful
Star....
In the world, in the air, on my tongue
Before my eyes, beyond the stars, beneath the sun
So....
Take me in your arms again, lead me in my dreams again
So.....
What is it worth?, I'll sell my soul, what is it worth?
Only you know
[Repeat last section after solo]
p/s : why do i think i am kind of mellow this few days ek? odd innit? my song lists has been playing too much love songs la kot. LOL.
new morning
morning rakyat jelata. i woke up in a daze. i wasn't exactly sleeping either. didn't had much sleep. was in and out of it. i was conscious and aware of my surroundings. and changes.
i am not even sure what is happening right now would even come to something. it might end nowhere even. am not even sure. well, maybe god heard my prayers ages ago. and somewhat it came true around this hour, but i am not sure to embrace it. would it be the exact thing i needed? is this another test?
don't ask. i am as confused as you are. i have no idea how i could actually write this story of mine without telling u guys too much but yet manage to get what my message is across.
for the first time am asking myself 'is this what i really wanted?' after actually getting it. ala, like when u were a kid, u wanted so bad to eat mamee after school but often lectured by parents not to eat it coz ia akan membantutkan pertumbuhan, tetiba masa darjah 6 dapat hamper berupa mamee utk cabutan bertuah. suddenly u thought, is this what i really wanted? mcm tu la perasaan saya right about now.
hmm. am not gonna think about it for the time being. i need some sleep. perhaps i can think better with a clear mind.
i am not even sure what is happening right now would even come to something. it might end nowhere even. am not even sure. well, maybe god heard my prayers ages ago. and somewhat it came true around this hour, but i am not sure to embrace it. would it be the exact thing i needed? is this another test?
don't ask. i am as confused as you are. i have no idea how i could actually write this story of mine without telling u guys too much but yet manage to get what my message is across.
for the first time am asking myself 'is this what i really wanted?' after actually getting it. ala, like when u were a kid, u wanted so bad to eat mamee after school but often lectured by parents not to eat it coz ia akan membantutkan pertumbuhan, tetiba masa darjah 6 dapat hamper berupa mamee utk cabutan bertuah. suddenly u thought, is this what i really wanted? mcm tu la perasaan saya right about now.
hmm. am not gonna think about it for the time being. i need some sleep. perhaps i can think better with a clear mind.
Monday, March 17, 2008
before my sun sets..
before everything bids farewell,
before i say goodnight,
before this day ends,
before you go and say goodbye.
ni kata2 saya la. after watching before sunset. i've watched this movie ages ago. back then, i still had a boyfriend. rase chenta aje lebih when i watched it. but now, the characters in this movie somehow are 'vaguely familiar' ;) i just done watching it 5 minutes ago. and i can't stop smiling. it's so freaking sweet. and real. and harshly romantic. and leaves an ending that lets us decide. it's a good test, if you are a romantic or a cynic.
the best part is indeed the best part. it summarizes all of it. part of me too (if not all), maybe.
i think every single bit of dialogue uttered here make sense. they are real. they are all sorts of ideas. it reflects the kind of conversation i caught myself in. it reflects the awkwardness i feel with the guy i fancy but yet i couldn't say. not a bit, not a word of my real feelings. of things i know or wish it's true, but i can't express.
shit. in short, it's bloody sweet and real. owh and plus, its cinematography is indeed sharp and scenic. am not sure if they won any awards though. but go check it out, u hopeless romantic lots. :P
before i say goodnight,
before this day ends,
before you go and say goodbye.
ni kata2 saya la. after watching before sunset. i've watched this movie ages ago. back then, i still had a boyfriend. rase chenta aje lebih when i watched it. but now, the characters in this movie somehow are 'vaguely familiar' ;) i just done watching it 5 minutes ago. and i can't stop smiling. it's so freaking sweet. and real. and harshly romantic. and leaves an ending that lets us decide. it's a good test, if you are a romantic or a cynic.
the best part is indeed the best part. it summarizes all of it. part of me too (if not all), maybe.
i think every single bit of dialogue uttered here make sense. they are real. they are all sorts of ideas. it reflects the kind of conversation i caught myself in. it reflects the awkwardness i feel with the guy i fancy but yet i couldn't say. not a bit, not a word of my real feelings. of things i know or wish it's true, but i can't express.
shit. in short, it's bloody sweet and real. owh and plus, its cinematography is indeed sharp and scenic. am not sure if they won any awards though. but go check it out, u hopeless romantic lots. :P
is this my monday?
i took an emergency leave today. well nothing was actually an emergency, but i thought i had to deal with all this police crap (kena saman dan acara soal siasat) as soon as possible. anyway, long story short, i wasn't able to do so coz rupe2nye they haven't charged me on anything yet. and i have to go to balai polis jln bandar tomorrow. shucks.
well anyway, after ages of not cuci-ing any gambar esp after kedai uncle in seri kembangan dah tutup (uncle, u still owe me my b&w film , yet to be developed kot!), finally today i manage to go to fotosun, for the first time in my life, this specialty shop is open. and best yet, after everything that has gone wrong for the couple of days, the results was indeed mensyokkan jiwa.
HOLGA- MOE family day
supersampler - sebelum penerjunan tiruk. LOL
more pictures would be on my multiply. am uploading all the others. lamanye tak beracara amek2 gambo ni. even kurasaraksasa's event photos tak siap lagi. on b&w film lak tu. hish. should i bakar kedai uncle now? heh.
Friday, March 14, 2008
mumblings
so did u guys watch buletin utama last night? (i know i didn't and i rarely do), but if u noticed, i was in the news. heh. mum said i was. tp tak lama la. too bad, but i rather not have too much limelight either. if i jumpa video tu, i would link them here. :D
actually am in the midst of a week-long event. well i have so many things to grumble about, but not particularly on the event, but mainly on attitude. i have met a lot of people in these few days, and i've discovered attitudes that i hope i'll never have in my entire lifetime. but kita hanya mampu berdoa bukan?
but my bitchings got to wait til later la, sweethearts. am now gona run downstairs and check out the walkways to next door for tonight's Royal Concert. if u guys fancy coming, buzz me asap. there's extra invites available. delegates dari negara mana tah dah balik. heh. owh btw, the shows are consist of persembahan budak-budak tau. don't expect Siti Nurhaliza around here, pls. LOL.
actually am in the midst of a week-long event. well i have so many things to grumble about, but not particularly on the event, but mainly on attitude. i have met a lot of people in these few days, and i've discovered attitudes that i hope i'll never have in my entire lifetime. but kita hanya mampu berdoa bukan?
but my bitchings got to wait til later la, sweethearts. am now gona run downstairs and check out the walkways to next door for tonight's Royal Concert. if u guys fancy coming, buzz me asap. there's extra invites available. delegates dari negara mana tah dah balik. heh. owh btw, the shows are consist of persembahan budak-budak tau. don't expect Siti Nurhaliza around here, pls. LOL.
Sunday, March 09, 2008
lesson learnt
so, who has the last laugh now? how does losing feel now? how does one accept defeat? is it by answering, 'kalau dah kalah, kalahlah' ?
lame lame lame.
shame shame shame.
in so many ways, this lost has its blessings in disguise. the arrogance of the ruling party is undeniable. mind you, i am not against the government. but we (governmentally speaking) should take this as a lesson learnt. something we (from now on, nak guna 'they' bley tak? LOL) did was wrong. maybe not all, but there must be some things that we have taken a tad too lightly.
the oppressed would always work harder. the oppressors would always take things lighter. til the day the oppressed becomes the oppressor.
we shall soon see the reality.
this is exactly the time when the other parties could show their real capabilities. not exactly that we gave them room to prove themselves (dont get me wrong here, they fought real hard for that) we should give them space too in tackling and resolving issues that they promised they could. can we just both work hand in hand? can we just share the same aspirations , in making Malaysia a better country? we might have different ideologies, and fancy different kind of leadership, but can we just work together on one thing?
in the meantime, this almost-not-the-govt-of-the-day party should start thinking where has it gone wrong. who was it the election strategist? perhaps these EC , mentris corrupted issues aren't real, perhaps the strategist was actually corrupted? perhaps somewhat a part of the not-so-great-after-all party wasn't into winning the elections. perhaps they only wanted to prove one thing, the inefficiency of the current ruler? haha. u never know.
and i hate to know or admit the existence of money laundering or discrepancies that is happening right now, but for the time being, i have to hate EC for not having my name correctly spelt. who the fuck is Hazuza la kan? shitto shitto. bagero desune.
anyway, i have to cut this rambling short as a friend is coming by later. not sure whether its straight to this area or to McD. ape2 hal pon, i need to get dressed. so tata. goss more later yea.
lame lame lame.
shame shame shame.
in so many ways, this lost has its blessings in disguise. the arrogance of the ruling party is undeniable. mind you, i am not against the government. but we (governmentally speaking) should take this as a lesson learnt. something we (from now on, nak guna 'they' bley tak? LOL) did was wrong. maybe not all, but there must be some things that we have taken a tad too lightly.
the oppressed would always work harder. the oppressors would always take things lighter. til the day the oppressed becomes the oppressor.
we shall soon see the reality.
this is exactly the time when the other parties could show their real capabilities. not exactly that we gave them room to prove themselves (dont get me wrong here, they fought real hard for that) we should give them space too in tackling and resolving issues that they promised they could. can we just both work hand in hand? can we just share the same aspirations , in making Malaysia a better country? we might have different ideologies, and fancy different kind of leadership, but can we just work together on one thing?
in the meantime, this almost-not-the-govt-of-the-day party should start thinking where has it gone wrong. who was it the election strategist? perhaps these EC , mentris corrupted issues aren't real, perhaps the strategist was actually corrupted? perhaps somewhat a part of the not-so-great-after-all party wasn't into winning the elections. perhaps they only wanted to prove one thing, the inefficiency of the current ruler? haha. u never know.
and i hate to know or admit the existence of money laundering or discrepancies that is happening right now, but for the time being, i have to hate EC for not having my name correctly spelt. who the fuck is Hazuza la kan? shitto shitto. bagero desune.
anyway, i have to cut this rambling short as a friend is coming by later. not sure whether its straight to this area or to McD. ape2 hal pon, i need to get dressed. so tata. goss more later yea.
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
what else?
The Bottom Line
This day is well-suited for taking quick action, but not so great for deep thought.
In Detail
This day is well-suited for action, but not so perfect for deep thought or contemplation. Your brain is a bit sluggish when it comes to new plans right now, but your physical self is ready to get moving. A new sport or active hobby sounds great. But concentration? Not so appealing. Don't expect a lot of success in terms of understanding complicated ideas or strategies. It's not an ideal day for taking a test or writing a report, so if that was on your schedule, try to move it to another day.
what is wrong la with today. or this week kan. apart from the accident, my katil plak patah. then i failed both my papers (which i took somewhere in november or december). then waited for almost 6 hours last night in front of dewan konsultansi UH just to wait for the results of my CT scan (which the result was all A-okay). and today reading my horoscope that i shouldn't be doing any test, walhal i had to and did take one personality test by JPA in accordance to my CPF interview. owh shucks. and apart from that, receiving a not-so-warm-nor-delightful e-mail.
and it all drains to one question, apekehenye dengan aku ni ha? what is so wrong la. well, perhaps taklah sangat 'sudah jatuh ditimpa tangga', i dont feel exactly that, but i think my stars are just not aligned this week. or maybe now it has dawn on me so that i realize that i m not so great after all. nothing about me or my life is way too admirable (or merely, depends on your perception la kan). and i must have a lot of mistakes that indeed all the things that's happening to me merupakan balasan tuhan. hmm.
well, most friends would say, 'mesti ada hikmahnye' to almost all miseries that i'm facing right now, particularly due to my accident. and frankly, right now, i think antara hikmahnye would be me cooking my own lunch. LOL. soon i might just share all the menu i have for lunch with you guys. owh and another hikmah would be watching DVDs tanpa henti sehingga muntah or tertido la kot. pergh. what bliss.
anyways, for the next few days, i should be looking forward in finishing books like The Reluctant Politician (pasal Tun Dr Ismail), Ash Wednesday by Ethan Hawke (azni, i still think that ash wednesday ni tajuk lagu :p), The Eye (that Shake got me from paris, kan shake?), All The President's Men ( an old movie yg ada bukunya, i think it's about the Watergate Scandal), The World is Flat, Harry Potter final book, and at least 5 more others. LOL.
if only i read my GOVERMENTAL notes as religiously as i read my books, i would have pass the exams. now kena repeat balik. shite.
This day is well-suited for taking quick action, but not so great for deep thought.
In Detail
This day is well-suited for action, but not so perfect for deep thought or contemplation. Your brain is a bit sluggish when it comes to new plans right now, but your physical self is ready to get moving. A new sport or active hobby sounds great. But concentration? Not so appealing. Don't expect a lot of success in terms of understanding complicated ideas or strategies. It's not an ideal day for taking a test or writing a report, so if that was on your schedule, try to move it to another day.
what is wrong la with today. or this week kan. apart from the accident, my katil plak patah. then i failed both my papers (which i took somewhere in november or december). then waited for almost 6 hours last night in front of dewan konsultansi UH just to wait for the results of my CT scan (which the result was all A-okay). and today reading my horoscope that i shouldn't be doing any test, walhal i had to and did take one personality test by JPA in accordance to my CPF interview. owh shucks. and apart from that, receiving a not-so-warm-nor-delightful e-mail.
and it all drains to one question, apekehenye dengan aku ni ha? what is so wrong la. well, perhaps taklah sangat 'sudah jatuh ditimpa tangga', i dont feel exactly that, but i think my stars are just not aligned this week. or maybe now it has dawn on me so that i realize that i m not so great after all. nothing about me or my life is way too admirable (or merely, depends on your perception la kan). and i must have a lot of mistakes that indeed all the things that's happening to me merupakan balasan tuhan. hmm.
well, most friends would say, 'mesti ada hikmahnye' to almost all miseries that i'm facing right now, particularly due to my accident. and frankly, right now, i think antara hikmahnye would be me cooking my own lunch. LOL. soon i might just share all the menu i have for lunch with you guys. owh and another hikmah would be watching DVDs tanpa henti sehingga muntah or tertido la kot. pergh. what bliss.
anyways, for the next few days, i should be looking forward in finishing books like The Reluctant Politician (pasal Tun Dr Ismail), Ash Wednesday by Ethan Hawke (azni, i still think that ash wednesday ni tajuk lagu :p), The Eye (that Shake got me from paris, kan shake?), All The President's Men ( an old movie yg ada bukunya, i think it's about the Watergate Scandal), The World is Flat, Harry Potter final book, and at least 5 more others. LOL.
if only i read my GOVERMENTAL notes as religiously as i read my books, i would have pass the exams. now kena repeat balik. shite.
Monday, March 03, 2008
what have i done?
i am upstairs just because i wanted to pee. and to tell azni, that i m watching ONCE on dvd. and somehow i wanted to do more than just that.
saw it once. yesterday. with mummy. with the help of the mirror on my compact powder. i was like 'God, mak busu said it was only a 20sen cut, but hell, it's more like 2 pieces of 50sen cut'. it was long. the gash i mean.
and today, i just had to look it again. in my long mirror. in my shower. and there it was , that long gash, all bruised and darkened by some flaky blood. and i had to cry. i was. and am about to right now. to cry all over again.
i know. i said what good would it bring now? but at exactly now, i felt so fucking hampa. what the hell happened? why must i do this to myself? i felt so fucking sad. i felt like crying my heart out. i am heartbroken. for the things i have done to myself. (am indeed crying my lungs, heart, liver all those bloody organs out right now)
have u ever felt that way? that u felt so hampa, u wonder how much u exactly love yourself? i m grateful to be alive. and it was only a gash on my head. what if i lost more. what if i lost my hands and my legs, and have broken bones, and comatose. and maybe died there? gosh, i am so disappointed with my fucking self. aduih. thank god my parents didn't cry. they were pretty cool apart from the series of ceramah they gave yesterday.
while chatting with azni, ironically 'don't cry' GNR was playing on my itunes. fook. and now, there's this manusia bodoh by ada band plak. pergh, that must be me.
ok. am almost done crying. plus lenguh la bahu nak taip byk2. and plus the ONCE movie is waiting for me downstairs. they can't pause too long. letih.
saw it once. yesterday. with mummy. with the help of the mirror on my compact powder. i was like 'God, mak busu said it was only a 20sen cut, but hell, it's more like 2 pieces of 50sen cut'. it was long. the gash i mean.
and today, i just had to look it again. in my long mirror. in my shower. and there it was , that long gash, all bruised and darkened by some flaky blood. and i had to cry. i was. and am about to right now. to cry all over again.
i know. i said what good would it bring now? but at exactly now, i felt so fucking hampa. what the hell happened? why must i do this to myself? i felt so fucking sad. i felt like crying my heart out. i am heartbroken. for the things i have done to myself. (am indeed crying my lungs, heart, liver all those bloody organs out right now)
have u ever felt that way? that u felt so hampa, u wonder how much u exactly love yourself? i m grateful to be alive. and it was only a gash on my head. what if i lost more. what if i lost my hands and my legs, and have broken bones, and comatose. and maybe died there? gosh, i am so disappointed with my fucking self. aduih. thank god my parents didn't cry. they were pretty cool apart from the series of ceramah they gave yesterday.
while chatting with azni, ironically 'don't cry' GNR was playing on my itunes. fook. and now, there's this manusia bodoh by ada band plak. pergh, that must be me.
ok. am almost done crying. plus lenguh la bahu nak taip byk2. and plus the ONCE movie is waiting for me downstairs. they can't pause too long. letih.
Saturday, March 01, 2008
costly lesson
have u guys been trying to call me the pass 24 hours? no? then good then. i lost my phone. at 4 am this morning. and to add, i lost my car. it was all wrecked and almost a total lost. more, i lost loads of blood. i was in and out of consciousness. thank god i didn't had amnesia. i remembered those numbers that mattered. or at least, that matters to me.
i feel like crying, but what good would it bring at this very minute of my life? well, i had a very lengthy lecture from my parents, and apart from having a bleeding head, i have a bleeding heart as well. and ears of course.
i have to admit, it was all my fault. it couldnt be anyone else's. it was me who was bloody tired. i should have gotten those signals clearly. and of course, the first thing that would come to most mind would be, 'apalah dosa budak ni agaknye?'. well, i have to say, segala dosa i did indeed has cost me almost my life. it indeed has cost me my hair, a substantial amount of money, my time, and so many other things. am i now traumatized by all the experience u ask? well, i am not so sure.
i just passed that road just now with my parents, and i saw some dented dividers on the left of the road, and skid marks and knocked-down signage. i wasn't shivering at all. sitting in a car with my brother and my parents? it only had me feeling nauseous. is that a sign? i don't know. i have been feeling nauseous since i left this hospital this morning. so would i be okay? i'm sure i will. but i guess i have learned a very costly lesson last night.
funny when it was nini's bachelorette's party last night, and i should be having fun, but all i felt was loneliness and sadness. i was obviously in no mood to party. to celebrate whatever. i felt sad. i guess this accident would further justify my reasons for changes. well, i could only expect that, since i am now bogged down with my thumping head, caked blood on my hair and miserable images of my bloody car (and this time i meant that literally . heh)
so okay. i guess i should be getting more rest right now. and for that, i'd like to say 'don't sleep and drive'. heh. my beliefs has been perturbed by my own experience. i have fooled myself.
i'll update u guys with the pictures of my car. but that got to wait til later. so take care.
i feel like crying, but what good would it bring at this very minute of my life? well, i had a very lengthy lecture from my parents, and apart from having a bleeding head, i have a bleeding heart as well. and ears of course.
i have to admit, it was all my fault. it couldnt be anyone else's. it was me who was bloody tired. i should have gotten those signals clearly. and of course, the first thing that would come to most mind would be, 'apalah dosa budak ni agaknye?'. well, i have to say, segala dosa i did indeed has cost me almost my life. it indeed has cost me my hair, a substantial amount of money, my time, and so many other things. am i now traumatized by all the experience u ask? well, i am not so sure.
i just passed that road just now with my parents, and i saw some dented dividers on the left of the road, and skid marks and knocked-down signage. i wasn't shivering at all. sitting in a car with my brother and my parents? it only had me feeling nauseous. is that a sign? i don't know. i have been feeling nauseous since i left this hospital this morning. so would i be okay? i'm sure i will. but i guess i have learned a very costly lesson last night.
funny when it was nini's bachelorette's party last night, and i should be having fun, but all i felt was loneliness and sadness. i was obviously in no mood to party. to celebrate whatever. i felt sad. i guess this accident would further justify my reasons for changes. well, i could only expect that, since i am now bogged down with my thumping head, caked blood on my hair and miserable images of my bloody car (and this time i meant that literally . heh)
so okay. i guess i should be getting more rest right now. and for that, i'd like to say 'don't sleep and drive'. heh. my beliefs has been perturbed by my own experience. i have fooled myself.
i'll update u guys with the pictures of my car. but that got to wait til later. so take care.
updated: the state of my car
pandangan hadapan 25 darjah
segala sudut pandangan and the blood wasted.
okay. sekian.
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