so i was talking to nuz, bulu and nad last nite at the curve. basically regarding me and men i dated. and all the men we dated and all the girls (or only one significant girl) that bulu dated. hell, she is my fren. haha.
yeah, so anyways, when i was asked of the 'things' that i look for in a man, i had to really come up with all the typical traits of all the men i dated. (bunyi mcm ramai plak).
and so much so, i could only come up with 3 things. and they :
i) are english proficient. hell, i get turn on easily by those who speaks good english.
ii) read books. yeah, i fancy those who i can talk and discuss about books with.
iii) now, what was the 3rd one? musician? LOL. am not sure. not sure which. maybe it's good music sense? tah. or perhaps it was graphic designers? :D
anyways, in regard to my title today, so i was telling bulu that i fancy guys that reads. and he was shocked that i get turn on by them. he never thought i was much of a girl who loves reading and loves male readers. haha.
and to add to such nerdy taste of mine, i actually once dated a librarian. haha. sounded boring? hell no. he was one good conversationalist. too good, and i fell into his trap. shite. anyway, bad lousy date aside, it's the character that we are arguing right now.
i dont know why, but seriously guys who read are such a turn on. and i dont think that's kinda nerdy. not at all. i think its kinda cool. to actually make time for self-satisfying indulgence. and plus it's only befitting when i love intellectually stimulating conversations. so, of course these type of men would enlighten me on so many things that i couldnt find time to read about. or perhaps who could find time to discuss things i read. cool giler okaaay.
so that's it. 3 typical traits that turn me on. and bulu, u rated 2 out of 3? haha. despite u getting a C for that 'spoken english for professional' class we took. haha.
Friday, August 24, 2007
Thursday, August 23, 2007
last?
at last?
could this be at last?
would things be any different if it was me who puts the ultimatum?
or is it my fear that i let u do it?
is this the moment?
could this be the moment?
that my tears run voluntarily,
coz i couldn't decide whether to be sad or to be mad,
or to be plain indifferent?
having it like my call,
when it's u who has the upper hand,
and let me trapped into it,
and now i'm helpless.
and u let me be?
coz u too felt the same way?
should i start swimming now?
or should i wait for u?
will we ever swim together?
again? anymore?
so, is this it?
last?
forever?
the end?
even last could mean whatever.
could this be at last?
would things be any different if it was me who puts the ultimatum?
or is it my fear that i let u do it?
is this the moment?
could this be the moment?
that my tears run voluntarily,
coz i couldn't decide whether to be sad or to be mad,
or to be plain indifferent?
having it like my call,
when it's u who has the upper hand,
and let me trapped into it,
and now i'm helpless.
and u let me be?
coz u too felt the same way?
should i start swimming now?
or should i wait for u?
will we ever swim together?
again? anymore?
so, is this it?
last?
forever?
the end?
even last could mean whatever.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
FEED
have u ever stopped and pondered what is it that feeds you? your soul? your body?
like water on a hot sweltering day, feeds your body. the trickling water seems so sweet gushing through your throat. and you could feel how it feeds the very core of u. your gut seems satisfied. fulfilled. the feeling of being completed. and reenergized. rejuvenated.
...and that is how i feel of music. how music feeds me. to be more specific, of how KORN feeds me. to be exact, how 'y'all want a single' feeds the very core of me. the very tune that feeds my soul. the hollowness in me.
i just couldnt explain why. it reminds me of my youth. of how i danced to the tune.of how i jumped and shouted with it.of how i've heard 3 versions of the same song. of how me and padly stand for each other. of how ida perceived my insanity. of how i coped with life, then. and now, now.
the very strings of the bass itself. my heart beats faster. like being in love. the loose-sounding bass, though i know it could be played half-a-note lower, but the very sound of it, the vibration of the strings, the clear pluckings of it. owh how i crave it in me.
i could feel all too synchronized, to the strings. of the bass. my blood seems to flow, with the same beat. and all i could sense is satisfaction. of being fulfilled. and rejuvenated.
this must be it. the feeling that i crave for.
like water on a hot sweltering day, feeds your body. the trickling water seems so sweet gushing through your throat. and you could feel how it feeds the very core of u. your gut seems satisfied. fulfilled. the feeling of being completed. and reenergized. rejuvenated.
...and that is how i feel of music. how music feeds me. to be more specific, of how KORN feeds me. to be exact, how 'y'all want a single' feeds the very core of me. the very tune that feeds my soul. the hollowness in me.
i just couldnt explain why. it reminds me of my youth. of how i danced to the tune.of how i jumped and shouted with it.of how i've heard 3 versions of the same song. of how me and padly stand for each other. of how ida perceived my insanity. of how i coped with life, then. and now, now.
the very strings of the bass itself. my heart beats faster. like being in love. the loose-sounding bass, though i know it could be played half-a-note lower, but the very sound of it, the vibration of the strings, the clear pluckings of it. owh how i crave it in me.
i could feel all too synchronized, to the strings. of the bass. my blood seems to flow, with the same beat. and all i could sense is satisfaction. of being fulfilled. and rejuvenated.
this must be it. the feeling that i crave for.
Monday, August 13, 2007
it's not what it seems..
Love. Life’s single greatest risk. Life’s single greatest reward. Love captures your heart in a second and holds it for eternity.
You have known the feeling of pure joy and elation, and it will be forever cherished. Love is more than a memory.
You have experienced a love without equal. You have had someone truly special in your life and mere words simply will not do.
Love knows no boundaries. Love knows no end.
this whole thing is an ad, in some website ;)
You have known the feeling of pure joy and elation, and it will be forever cherished. Love is more than a memory.
You have experienced a love without equal. You have had someone truly special in your life and mere words simply will not do.
Love knows no boundaries. Love knows no end.
this whole thing is an ad, in some website ;)
Friday, August 10, 2007
continuous cycle of LOVE and PAIN
life is too short to be unhappy. seriously.
basically, there's no room for unhappiness.
yet unhappiness seems convenient to understand life.
without it, perhaps u'll still live.
but perhaps lacking of compassion. the very essence of a human being.
hence, to actually appreciate love, is to experience pain.
but that doesn't mean that love has to hurt.
love-pain-love again, the very cycle of life. before dying. or dead.
love-pain-wither, such a sorrow way to end life.
the point is to learn.
thru all these experiences.
no point of enduring pain, when u learn or gain nothing out of it.
or maybe you are a masochist.
enjoy pain. onto u. onto others?
i am not. ina is not either.
we love to love.
but we've endured enough pain.
i am so done with pain. hello love.
she's enduring pain. still do. still contemplating of being hurt.
and that has to end. bye pain.
the very reason of her existence in my radius.
or me in hers.
i love you woman. be strong. pain is just another phase to fall in love again.
-an entry written with born-again ina ;)
27 odd life quotes..
1. A person is only as good as – his wallet allows.
2. Friendship is always – great when u get to do things together ALL THE TIME
3. To love is to – satisfy lover's needs.
4. Money makes me – and ahmedsyam happy :D
5. I miss – nothing just yet.
6. My way of saying I care is by – sombong eh skang?
7. I try to spread love and happiness by – dress skimpily..
8. Pick the flowers when – they are full bloom
9. To love someone is to – head back and forth to SHAH ALAM..(uhuk!)
10. Beauty is – me being naked, and nobody puke.
11. When I was thirteen, what I remember the most was – writing letters to mum ..manja ni.
12. When I was twenty one, I remember – i wanted to get married at 25. (dream on, pedro!)
13. I am most happy when – friends are around me
14. Nothing makes me happier than – being close to someone i fancy..(no, not josh hartnett ;0)
15. If I can change one thing, I will change – jobs. seriously
16. If smiles were –money, then I – am one of the richest woman on earth
17. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could – do nothing but get rich instantly.
18. If you want to be loved then – u need thick pockets and good poetry-writing skills :D
19. Money is not everything but –i'd die without it
20. The most touching moments I have experienced – happens unexpectedly
21. I smile when – i know it's YOU
22. When I am happy, I – will talk non stop
23. If only I don’t have to do anything tomorrow- i would be reading and watching tv and swimming and ....
24. The best thing I did yesterday was – completing my HOLGA scrapbook
25. If I ever write a book, I will give it this title – How to love Maths (especially when u r born Malay..) :D
26. One thing I must do before I die is – make intelligent babies
27. Doing this meme, I feel like – asking, what the hell meme is?
Courtesy of medcham and echah
2. Friendship is always – great when u get to do things together ALL THE TIME
3. To love is to – satisfy lover's needs.
4. Money makes me – and ahmedsyam happy :D
5. I miss – nothing just yet.
6. My way of saying I care is by – sombong eh skang?
7. I try to spread love and happiness by – dress skimpily..
8. Pick the flowers when – they are full bloom
9. To love someone is to – head back and forth to SHAH ALAM..(uhuk!)
10. Beauty is – me being naked, and nobody puke.
11. When I was thirteen, what I remember the most was – writing letters to mum ..manja ni.
12. When I was twenty one, I remember – i wanted to get married at 25. (dream on, pedro!)
13. I am most happy when – friends are around me
14. Nothing makes me happier than – being close to someone i fancy..(no, not josh hartnett ;0)
15. If I can change one thing, I will change – jobs. seriously
16. If smiles were –money, then I – am one of the richest woman on earth
17. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could – do nothing but get rich instantly.
18. If you want to be loved then – u need thick pockets and good poetry-writing skills :D
19. Money is not everything but –i'd die without it
20. The most touching moments I have experienced – happens unexpectedly
21. I smile when – i know it's YOU
22. When I am happy, I – will talk non stop
23. If only I don’t have to do anything tomorrow- i would be reading and watching tv and swimming and ....
24. The best thing I did yesterday was – completing my HOLGA scrapbook
25. If I ever write a book, I will give it this title – How to love Maths (especially when u r born Malay..) :D
26. One thing I must do before I die is – make intelligent babies
27. Doing this meme, I feel like – asking, what the hell meme is?
Courtesy of medcham and echah
Thursday, August 09, 2007
RiSK-y
always. risk is always the thing we consider most times. be it low or high, risk is just unavoidable. every single minute of our breathing life, we'll consider risk. be it while driving, while sleeping , even while eating.
but typically, we take no heed on such ordinary feats. ordinary risks are considered as bearable risks. those we perceived as risky are those not ordinary, not routine, not mundane, not trivial..to us. to our particular self. risky to me doesnt mean it's risky to others.
we consider anything risky as big deal. that is all because of the facts i laid above. because it's something UN- ordinary. but that's it, we just have to take the risk.
why? because overcoming risk is always sweet. the higher the risk is, the sweeter the victory.
hence, people like us would at least try onto something risky. like pursuing something that doesn't belong in our daily routine. just for the fun of it. to embrace the sweetness of such victory. is that rush. to fall, to be burnt (a lil), to ache, to be broken, is a small price for getting something priceless. that dream, that thing, that sweetheart, that experience. something.
all that, priceless...
and that ladies and gentlemen, is indeed the very point i'm taking all the risks in the world to do what i do now.
some risks are calculated, some risks are best embraced blindly. (uhuk!)
(risktakers!!! skytrex jom?!:D)-iklan semata-mata..
but typically, we take no heed on such ordinary feats. ordinary risks are considered as bearable risks. those we perceived as risky are those not ordinary, not routine, not mundane, not trivial..to us. to our particular self. risky to me doesnt mean it's risky to others.
we consider anything risky as big deal. that is all because of the facts i laid above. because it's something UN- ordinary. but that's it, we just have to take the risk.
why? because overcoming risk is always sweet. the higher the risk is, the sweeter the victory.
hence, people like us would at least try onto something risky. like pursuing something that doesn't belong in our daily routine. just for the fun of it. to embrace the sweetness of such victory. is that rush. to fall, to be burnt (a lil), to ache, to be broken, is a small price for getting something priceless. that dream, that thing, that sweetheart, that experience. something.
all that, priceless...
and that ladies and gentlemen, is indeed the very point i'm taking all the risks in the world to do what i do now.
some risks are calculated, some risks are best embraced blindly. (uhuk!)
(risktakers!!! skytrex jom?!:D)-iklan semata-mata..
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
memories
i wrote this poem ages ago. and i never kept this copy coz i gave it to my colleague. and she still has all my artwork on her desk. and so, i finally decided to publish this particular poem. i m not really sure whether i was heartbroken back then, or what was it that triggered me writing it. and i cant even remember who i was dating back then (IF i was dating la pon kan? hahaha)
one needs a tight slap
to regain consciousness
to walk on reality
to step back
to wander, to think
to readjust before one sink.
walked down that road yesterday
the road i tried to avoid
all this while...
and now today
i want that road to be gone
to be burnt away.
memories i had i want them erased,
forever gone, buried away.
got that tight slap
i'm conscious now..
had to do some thinking
had to adjust before sinking.
dripping blood trailing my steps
i've cut half my heart out
and left it there, not coming back.
251005, 13:15
to regain consciousness
to walk on reality
to step back
to wander, to think
to readjust before one sink.
walked down that road yesterday
the road i tried to avoid
all this while...
and now today
i want that road to be gone
to be burnt away.
memories i had i want them erased,
forever gone, buried away.
got that tight slap
i'm conscious now..
had to do some thinking
had to adjust before sinking.
dripping blood trailing my steps
i've cut half my heart out
and left it there, not coming back.
251005, 13:15
Saturday, August 04, 2007
time
time, the biggest factor on earth.
its a factor to most things.
to evolution.
to generation.
to perseverance.
to persistance.
to independence.
its a factor to most things.
to evolution.
to generation.
to perseverance.
to persistance.
to independence.
drowning
drowning.
the very feeling am experiencing.
right about now.
i am drowning into obsession.
adoration.
i am drown.
with ideas and suspicions.
with hopes and realizations.
with dreams and fixations.
i am a hopeless hope-fool.
i am a loveless love-fool.
i am foolishly in love
and i drown myself in it.
and for the longest time, i let myself be.
for this drowning fulfils me
even if it kills me..
the sensation gives me shivers
my obsession hits me deeper
and i let myself be
drowning in ignorance.
and ignorance is bliss.
always is.
the very feeling am experiencing.
right about now.
i am drowning into obsession.
adoration.
i am drown.
with ideas and suspicions.
with hopes and realizations.
with dreams and fixations.
i am a hopeless hope-fool.
i am a loveless love-fool.
i am foolishly in love
and i drown myself in it.
and for the longest time, i let myself be.
for this drowning fulfils me
even if it kills me..
the sensation gives me shivers
my obsession hits me deeper
and i let myself be
drowning in ignorance.
and ignorance is bliss.
always is.
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