BBQ-in-the-ESTATE

we had so much fun...the barbecue, the decent-turn-sewel karaoke, continue breakfast with the BBQ meal :P

well, juz read irina's blog.. very well-written on the event :P
so, here's the irina story on the bbq

i find hard time to post most pics on either flickr or fotopages..but i'm sure gonna do dat..

OK! done dat..
this is the first clan to reach the house..ops nope..2nd clan..first clan was adik's..u guys know wat, adik was like the only person yg bawak jiran tetangga blakang umah for the bbq..hehe unlike me n ben..we actually brought our skoolmates..(exc najla la plak :P)

ok..this is jumy trying to emerge from the lake..

for those yg tak tau, jumy is one of the merpeople :P

peeps, i have serious problems in adjusting the picture placing..hehe..
i'll study dat later la,,for the time being, i m trying how to link the pics i have in flickr to this very blog..

SOUTH CITY PLAZA

been here anyone? for those who never heard of it, well this plaza is located in sri kembangan area. this is THE mall around here (it wont be long now till JUSCO at my place opens in 2006)

for the past 3 months i stayed around here, yesterday was my very first time ever going to this particular mall.everyday at any time the whole stretch of sri kembangan up to my house will always be congested.however since yesterday was the 1st time it was not crammed wif cars, my bro n i ended up having dinner there :P

ok,so all this while i underestimated this place...apart from having some chinky name for a start, the mall itself doesnt look menarik to be in..no cinemas, no common shops on billboards, nothing seem to be interesting la kirenya.however, once i was IN there, well u get all ur common shops or outlets around there..like guardian, watsons, parkson (ria though, not grand),popular bookstore,music valley..hmm wat else, giant supermarket.n the food chains are the common ones we see everywhr such as auntie anne's, cinnabon, domino's, 1901, hmmm n much more..oh, n syed bistro is actually located outside the building..

me n bro go wow! we cant believe our eyes..well, this place is sure gonna be my new hangout spot..haha..u know wat, this is a place whr u actually can go eat nice food n shop at ur regular popular stores (as named above) without the crowd..frankly it was pretty deserted..wat else do u want?

i mean how often do i need to shop in Topshop, Guess,miss selfridge, nike, adidas n the likes of it? not often yea?

n how often we always grumble each time we tried to get to the mall only to see all the parking lots were taken, n to add to dat, once we r in there, we regret on being there at that particular time bcoz it was so jam-packed? very often right? very very often...

so frens, this is THE place to have ur regular shopping spree i.e groceries n normal needs (i mean nothing fancy la)..hahaha i cant believe dat i m actually promoting this place after all this while i memperlekehkan nyer,..
well this is the time when 'dont judge a book by its cover' gives significant meanings :)

anyway, once u guys are there, plz do avoid the marrybrown outlet yea..me n angah knew dat the food was so-so, but then it has a very fancy setting (dgn buaian and all, cam romantik la konon) dat made us went there..but for all u know, the service sucks big time..but if u guys are there only to take pictures, pls do so dgn slambe badaknya...hehe i mean thats like the only reason to be there :P

oh frens, i'd love to update u guys on the barbecue-in-the-estate that me n frens had in my dad's place..however the pics are wif by bro..i'll do dat tomorrow aight?

What Kind of Player Are You?

your player style is Chillin

Mellow — that's your style. You take life pretty easy and don't get your undies in a bunch about too much. That's what makes you so easy and enjoyable to hang out with. While others are trying to change the world, you're just looking to enjoy it.Good natured and easy-going, you take life as it comes instead of trying to stir things up. You usually don't give two shakes about bling, frontin', or the cutting edge. It's all about keeping it real and having a good time while you're doing it. For real.

----> i m sure dats sounds pretty much like me...i am mellow..but do i really take my life easily? am i not the gabra maut kinda person ke? :P and bout changing the world, i do have intentions in changing it..but this review sure boost my self esteem ar..hehe...so frens, do try it and post it on my 'comment section' tu...and lets boost our self esteem together ;P

Where Do You Find Love?

you find love in a Fairy Tale

Glass slippers, traveling minstrels, knights in shining armor. These are some of the classic components of fairy tales. And when it comes to your real-life love life, you'll take 'em in the form of candy and flowers, poems describing your beauty, tiny velvet boxes, and the like. Whether you are single or settled, you're a firm believer that the fairy tale shouldn't end when someone is carried over the threshold (though that's a pretty fun part, too).

You sometimes have to work to get your head out of the clouds, but your optimistic spirit and love-conquers-all attitude helps you deal with the good and bad that life might throw your way. As long as you can spot a poison apple when it knocks on your door, you'll always be able to find your happy ending.

Are you suffering from depression? If you have felt sad or have lost interest for months or even years, you may be suffering from depression. Find Out More
----->i do feel sad once in awhile, so do i consider myself depressed? do i have to find out more? i'm like so jiwang...arent i? :P
anyway the other day, elya was at my place when he saw a bunch of reader's digest at the living room..so he had to ask whose was it? well, it was me reading it..not mine tho..n u know wat? he had to laugh knowing me reading reader's digest..he said the digest is only for sentimental ppl..it has sentimental news in it...
arent all news n mags are full of sentimental news? unless politics la kan?
well i guess i m juz plain sentimental..i even thought of doing voluntary work la..but i dunno whr to start..when i thought of joining those in pakistan, or aceh, i' d realize that we too have ppl who is suffering in this country..the old folks, the low income ppl in god knows whr la..plenty of org susah to start helping..so we should i start now?
hmmmmm..after much thinking , how bout helping my granpa with his needs kan? at least he is in melaka..too much thinking of whom should i help, in the end i m helping no one.. sigh..
guess i need to help myself la to help myself be myself..
guess everyone needs to do so too :)

What Your Underwear Says About You

You tend to buy new underwear instead of doing laundry. You're comfortable in your own skin - and don't care to impress anyone.

The Underwear Oracle

Female brain?

Your Brain is 66.67% Female, 33.33% Male
Your brain leans female
You think with your heart, not your head
Sweet and considerate, you are a giver
But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!

frens, take the test at http://www.blogthings.com/genderbrainquiz
it's a 1 minute test..

~~~FLIRTING~~~

at times when i suddenly feel very low n ugly, i tend to be very miserable..try hard to create problems in my head..suffocate my own emotions n cry for no reasons..MADNESS? sure..all the reasons to be a girl..haha..

anyway, dat wouldnt be the story of the day since obviously the topic is FLIRTING..so frens, here's the story..when i feel that way, after telling a fren or two (usually nuzul, nini or boone ), i somewhat gonna make a comeback by promising myself that i need to go flirting immediately..or in this circle of mine, i'd call it "NGORATING"..

i may not be seeing anyone in particular that fits my fancy at all, but the idea that i m dressing up to go flirt juz takes my mind off the silly probs i brought into my head..i love being extra ramah, go flirt wif kids, or the ticket vendor, or even the funfair guy ..hehe..be nice, throw away smiles for free, say thanx at all time, wait for the smiling responds...all those things is juz enuf to lighten me up..well i dun need them to give me their number n dun expect the same from me tho..it was juz plain being nice ..(wif a lil bit of flirt) ..but i m not expecting anything :P
oh how much i enjoy flirting..flirting is always fun..despite not getting any respond or wouldnt know wat to expect, i m always thrilled by the act of it ;)

i always have my way with words..if i feel like it, i might get a discounted lunch (maybe free) , definite free drinks, great bargains wif tops n clothes , shoes , u name it..that is some kinda flirting isn't it..well, it pays to be frenly..oh yeah..friendly n flirty does run along together..
i'm sure i m not pretty, but a smile can always fix that..true?

hmm after much blabbering, im not sure whether the topic is suppose to be 'smile makes u pretty' or issit suppose to "frenly is the way to go" or 'flirting' actually fits all these? eheh
anyway i couldnt care wats the topic..all these are juz plain blabberings considering flirting,smiling n being frenly..

ok, so here is a pic wif the appropriate frenly smile ( or so i think! hehe) ..gesh the pic is suppose to be down here..but i really dunno how to do dat..but i'll study dat later..now, out for lunch wif my best mate, nuz..

10 things i hate about ms-know-it-all continues..

i know what u guys are thinking...more things to hate? hehehe too bad..i'm kinda lazy to list them down..n to add to that, i dun have issues to pick upon..( arent i the angel who is so forgiving? ;p)
well, i juz dun wana be a pendendam (wat do u call this in english? sourgrape?)
so, maybe in future if i feel like adding up, i'll do juz dat..
well, this is no explanation or anything like dat, but i want u guys to understand dat i dun actually hate her..its more like menyampah (now that too i wouldnt know it in english)...so since i havent seen her for almost a week, she hasnt been my amusement la..so i hope frens would understand dat..she is not hateable...but she might be unlikeable..thats all...

well, i m such a bad ass kan? i'll never know when someday i'll be dat ms-know-it-all to someone else, would i?

my wishes or promises to the world (erm, i mean to my world )

not according to any order ...but then i suggest frens n foes help me out here if i might miss any points :)...this is done in advance b4 i m off for my govtal training in INTAN..n dat would last me 6 months in there..sounds boring but i m actually looking forward for the trainings..ok, after all the brainwashing then i might get, there are things i DONT WANNA CHANGE ..bleh tak? :)

* i still am gonna lepak MAMAK after DPA..
* i still am gonna wear jeans the way i always wear it..i mean my torn jeans are as much loved as my other jeans..:)
* i still be as talkative, cheerful (ewah) , n frenly as always
* still gonna lepak wif my mates, skoolmates (jumy,shaq,nini,huda n the rest), my UM mates, OU mates, in short all my mates la..
* still gonna drive badly n curse as much as i want (well, not much of a curser, but aint much of a decent driver either..hehe)
*still gona wear snickers like i always do ..anywhere appropriate la kan..heels? i'll consider dat some other time :D
* still gona be wacko n rational n i hope i can still joke as much as i always do..and maybe better in taking advices, offences,insults n remarks ..
* still gonna attend gigs , clubs (i hope they dont forbid that) n live shows like i normally do..(which basically not very often..yeah..right!!) heheh

ok..cant think of anything else juz yet..but frens, do add up some good things n appropriate n achievable goals for me yeah..do suggest, i'll rationalize them b4 adding them up...

hope we still be what we are and better in future...

frens, i got this from a gf named amoi..this is really sweet..ignore the grammar n spelling blunder..the msg is much more important..hmm its not suppose to sound sweet..well lets juz say it is something so close to my heart..i AM feeling the same way...

DO YOU KNOW?
Do you know the meaning of having a partner in love? I don’t. I thought it’s someone to go out with. It’s someone that would escort to any parties. It’s someone to give and get gifts. It’s someone whom brings your social life status. It’s someone who give you physical attracts.
Until one day he came into my life. He gave a new color to my day. He brings another kind of love which I never know before. He teaches me the beauty of love, the comfort of bounding emotionally, and the joy of sharing.
With him I learn that love does see differences to complete each other not to make gap. With him I shed tears. With him I laughed. And with him I walk through so many moments that no time nor place nor else things in this world replace them.
I have so many criteria about the man I fall in love with but when I found him all those criteria melt away and suddenly everything I need is him. He makes my heart sing. He makes my blue days shinny. He makes me somebody. He brings the smile in my face. He makes me discover another new me.
Let me tell you, he’s so beautiful in my heart. And in zip, he turned to be my world. He’s the person I ran to whenever the day was so rough. He’s the one I hug whenever I need comfort. He’s the one I lean on whenever I took my break from my long and winding road. As time goes by I get depend on him more than I ever had to anyone else before. My wish is being able to spend the rest of my life with him. Sadly, something came up that hold back us to walk there. For years he and I try to fight against all odds. Until one day I realized that the togetherness of us not only hurts people around who love us but sooner or latter will hurts us both. Until one day I realized the egoist of my existence in this relationship. Until one day I understand that I don’t want to stop but we can’t move forward anyway. I want to love him but we’re not allowed to be together.
Now, do you know the pain of loving someone but have no strength to fight to be with? I do. I feel the pain in my flesh and bone. It hurts so much that I can’t even feel. It causing me lost my mind. It torches my soul. It turns me to someone that even I can’t understand.
Today, I’m still in big dilemma. I understand at this moment to continue our relation is so out of league, but still I can’t take the emptiness of not being with him.

confession part 1

i have to confess..i still cant digest if he is meeting someone else..if someone else fits his fancy..if she says goodnite every nite to him...if she has a bf and still can entertain him..if he says she is a nice girl..if they are practically neighbours..if he says he is bz but yet has time to go out for dinner with her..

n most of all,

if i m still freaking single n cant do anything bout it

10 things i hate about my MS-KNOW-IT-ALL

1) she has to repeat all the stories i have heard for at least 10 times until i said it was mentioned already..
e.g that she has a cousin who has a futsal centre in subang whc she herself has never been there
e.g her mummy owns a hotel in cameron..wif wat? 120 rooms? or issit 120 beds? gesh, after she actually repeated it for the umpteenth time, i still cant remember..hehe ironic!! :P

2) she has to goggle at me n my activities when she is around me
e.g while cuci baju, she juz had to watch at the door n trying hard to make petty conversations
e.g while cooking, she can juz stare looking at me n the frying pan without helping masak nasi, or setting the table..hate that..its something like to impose authority..

3) if anyone has a story of their own,regarding their work, or vacation or watsoeva, well u guess, she too has a similar but better version of her own..psycho!!
so i call her ms tanak kalah..hehe..ok to be continued tomorrow

no comment

the other day, i was on the way to pantai dalam to fetch nuz for our weekly nite workout..i called shake to ask about the traffic condition..well, as u might expected, he answered 'no comment'...hmmm..
well today my issue would be this 'no comment' reply..as for the traffic info, how in the world cant u comment on it? odd eh? its the traffic kan..its suppose to be either smooth flowing or slow moving or jam -packed or bumper to bumper..aint that so? heheh so i find his answer rather amusing whc i ended asking him y such answer?
the truth is he rather not elaborate the about the traffic..so i have to do the filling up..as in 'u mean that the traffic aint that bad, dat is why u answered no comment?' in other words, he actually can cope with that traffic..eventually i went thru the 'no comment' traffic whc was slow moving..heheh..but then again, at least i was prepared for the unexpected..:)
okay, to me , no comment would be suitable an answer if u being asked a personal question,,or questions whc u arent certain of the answer..like 'is it true dat u r seeing her?" or " did she really did dat?!?" or things ppl are uncertain of..
but questions like facts , u cant give a 'no comment' can u? say questions like " wat is his height?" or "how was the traffic?" or " how was the food?" or "will u be coming over tonite?"..questions like those, dont u think they need a pretty specific answer to that? hmmm let's ponder for those who hasnt got much to ponder..juz like the writer here :P...
ok back to work..btw, i was selected to go to KB for some 'beban guru research' final report writing,as i am the editor :)..guess i m suppose to be happy, dun i? yaye..well, no comment on that ;)

hey

now as i actually have decided dat it would be my blogging day, i was burden with a job..well its suppose to be a yaye on my part..tp eventually it collided wif my blogging dreams, so i was kinda pissed..so let me do wat i have to do thoroughly for the 2nd time b4 i get back to my sesi ngumpat di pagi hari :P

10 days later

yoohoo..where is everyone?
has the disease become an epidemic?
y m i running around the building n shouting?
gosh no one's here..i m scared..wat actually happen?
no! wait..i heard someone sneezing..
aha! a colleague wif a bad flu..not really bad..guess it's juz the raya flu..
n wat the hell m i doing here in the office, for godsakes.. :P

tot i have an issue..now i have TWO-- part II

ok..the frenster testi thingy..here i come
i c it this way la..at times its of course a testimonial on a great frenship journey..bla bla bla..
but at times its a mere chat..or juz asking silly things like
"i saw u the other day"
or " u look great in that baju"
or "will u be going to her wedding?"

are all these things can be called a testimonial? i m not saying that it's wrong to do so..coz i actually did wrote those things in a testi..but juz to ponder, do we really get it wat a testimonial actually means?did ever anyone check out wats the definition of it?

from merrian webster dictionary online..
Main Entry: 1tes·ti·mo·ni·al Pronunciation: "tes-t&-'mO-nE-&l, -ny&lFunction: adjective
1 : of, relating to, or constituting testimony
2 : expressive of appreciation or esteem

now, wat is a testimony?
1 a (1) : the tablets inscribed with the Mosaic law (2) : the ark containing the tablets b : a divine decree attested in the Scriptures
2 a : firsthand authentication of a fact : EVIDENCE b : an outward sign c : a solemn declaration usually made orally by a witness under oath in response to interrogation by a lawyer or authorized public official
3 a : an open acknowledgment b : a public profession of religious experience

now frens, do u see, that most of the time,we dont actually write a testimony..all the blabberings to a fren on the 'frenster testimonials' juz doesnt fit an actual testimony that it should be..
or wishing 'selamat hari raya' or ' frens forever' or 'i love you' with all the teddies in it obviously aint a testimonial..

well, i m sure i juz love to pick on an issue.. :D
at least, there's a new info for all to share
but i hope that doesnt stop any of us to send our blabbers to our frens in their testimonials :P

oh btw, i really cant remember wat was the 2nd issue i wanted to discuss about that day..but i m sure i was somewhat pissed wif someone dat i tot i wanted to share..but now, i seriously cant recall..then maybe i'll have a part III in future huhuhu

jealousy is evil..

jealousy
my heart still bleeds for the umpteenth time
my tears still flow like the river nile
for being brave n open hearted
i dared myself to be blinded
my heart sunken when i saw them
thought i could bear it now
but who m i trying to fool
thought i was already cool
i m still as frail as i can remember
juz couldnt gather myself altogether
tears are for free these days
bothered no more with swollen eyes
i have become the person i hated
or have i always been this complicated
jealousy runs along with hatred
i m no longer motivated
farewell to love, farewell to life
farewell to you, i no longer despise

--10.02 am 24th oct 2005

everything happens for a reason ( extract from shahid's post)

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there...
to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson or help figure out who you are or who you want to become.
You never know who these people may be but when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way.
And sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful and unfair, but in reflection you realize that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower or heart.
Everything happens for a reason.
Nothing happens by chance or by means of goodluck.
Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheerstupidity... .
all occurs to test the limits of your soul.
Without these small tests, life would be liek a smmothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. Safe and comfortable but dull and utterly pointless.
The people you meet affect your live.
The successess and downfalls that you experience can create who you are and the bad experiences can be learned from.
In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones.
If someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart, forgive them because they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart to.
If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because they are teaching you to love and open your heart and eyes to little things.
Make everyday count.
Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again.
Talk to people you have never talked to before, and actually listen.
Let yourself fall in love, break free and set your sights high.
Hold your head up because you have every right to.
Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you.
Create your own life and then go out and live it.

----> this is really good that i got this from my own bro..well he posted on the bulletin..i juz felt like extracting it..i need to believe each n every word of it..i have been bad these days..my heart is all blackened n hardened..aint blaming God..i m blaming myself..i m doing nothing to help myself..i m sure i have a point to prove, but the wat the hell issit...see? i m juz unsure, indecisive, weird, well, practically,.....i m juz normal..:)

tot i have an issue, now i have TWO..

i wonder why do we actually write testimonials on friendster?

reasons i could think of
1) as a sign we know he/she is a good fren
2) telling the world dat we r best buddies n everyone should be dat to him/her..
3) basically replying courtesy ,being polite coz we were sent a great testimonial
n bla bla bla
ok..tetiba malas nak taip dah
i sambung lenkali la..

i m totally bored

can u believe this? i m wasting my time in front of my chief clerk's pc reading some cerpen in my email..sigh..i got several books i wanted to read in my office..n that includes the general order..lol..life has been totally boring

spill my beans..and i chose to do it

gosh,.. b4 typing gosh, i already typed 3 different titles..wat is wrong wif me? word psychopath..anyway my issue for the day would be my so called 'elite' career..(elite? yeah i heard dat!)

well well well..i m such a risk taker that i didnt mind putting myself in this govtal job..was i nuts or wat..n i tot i love bending the rules..(not breaking it ay)..n now i m such a law-abider, n dat makes me sick..i have to go to work by 8..leave, if possible later than 5 ( we need to act as if we r bz)..i dun understand these ppl..being a govt servant, do u really have to act bz?

well, eventually for me, i m basically doing nothing at work..i read the papers, do some cryptograms, read some da vinci code, read some norma perjawatan, read some minit mesy, read some kertas kajian..n all i end up doing is sleeping..my office is a port for frens to come n sulk about their job, or at least i m the person to give them some hiburan for the day..can u imagine that? i m labelled as the most relax person in the whole building..always carefree n exciting ( yeah,,thats me....not!!)

and to add to all this 'relaxity' ( if there is such word) is the ppl around me..yeah, i m hanging out wif ptd frens..well dats due to our relatively close distance..however, i no longer appreciate chatting about OTHER ptd frens, or PTD activities, or anything relating to PTD..( for those yg tak tau, PTD = pegawai tadbir diplomatik)..as a people person, i always love mingling around ppl..but then again, i no longer wanna mingle too much or too long wif ppl wif boring topics n typical characters..i m sure this lot has a different lifestyle b4, so y succumb to this new career lifestyle? dun u ppl have anything else to share apart from these ptd thingy..gosh i really have issues man..eheh..

to ptd frens dat has really brought me into their lives, thanx mate..i appreciate the effort..mr lum, glad that we always have our relationship n religious issue to discuss; mr elya, thank god that we have similar ideas on life, music, food and mentality..mr adnan, at least we talk about our own lives and upholding our secrets ( aka kes jual mahal ni :P)..mr zaha, we may have different genre to club, but we enjoy dancing n grooving to the music, dont we? miss shikin, my distant couz,thank god u r around mase 10-day- course tu,..but i m missing u around here..miss azni, my very cute roomie, i m glad that we exchange lil of our characters to each other..you-extrovert, me- slightly shy..hahaha..cik norma becok,i know dat we run along the same wavelength i.e perverted wave...haha...i like the idea dat i know u guys n ur own bunch of frens..dat IS a personality..(only to name a few..maybe a few is all i have :D)

i have become slightly demotivated over the days..nothing much about challenges right now,bcoz i m that new..ppl juz dont wanna shed any responsibility on me..odd huh..n yet they complaint there wasnt enuf manpower in the dept..frens like nora and atikah, juz couldnt believe dat i lead myself into this job..they cant believe dat i m doing nothing challenging..hehe..well, this IS the challenge in disguise..to ACT interested even when u r not!..anyway this was wat i said to nora n zati ( she had similar complaints).. ,maybe ppl like me are fated to be around here so dat i learn the inner runnings of the govt..n once im already on top, i can decide on the way i want things to be run..

frens and foes, dont be blinded wif my complaints now..govt servants (big bosses esp) really really are bz..they run around like mad dogs to get things done..the only thing is, the association itself..the flow of the letter is slow, the proposal is slow, the commoners are slow (usually,but not all),the whole freaking process is bloody slow..n in this particular case, it's ONLY me who has nothing much to do..most of my frens has already starting working til late, bring their work home, got verbal insults thru the fon..

ney,wats wif me? or issit the society? come to think of it, it all comes back to me..its my fault..i choose the society i live in..dont i? i choose the choice of topics dat i find inspiring, i choose the ppl i wanna hang out wif..i choose to start working in this place, i choose the job myself, i choose to go ahead wif this after i passed my exams, i choose to go to d assesment, i choose, i choose..and i CHOSE all these..

so guess wat i need now is a stroke of good luck n all the courage to do wat i chose to do :P..wat else to beg from god..i m plain ungrateful,arent i?

with these, i freeze my case..

friends forever?

today I m suppose to get done wif my fail meja..seen my mum doing it..it almost kills her..hehe..but here, the fail meja aint so thick pon..but the things I need to have in it, aren’t available right now..i mean the source are all outstation..
Anyway my issue for the week would be frenship kot..i find it very disappointing that my very very bestfren ( or so I thought he was ) declined my needs of having his details as my sahabat karib in the borang keselamatan. I wonder wats the big deal wif d form dat he actually denied me..u see ppl, once I declared the names of my sahabat karib, one out of the 2 would be interviewed by the special branch..well in order to confirm whtr one is fit to work in the govt, they hv to interview ur close frens to make sure I m an alrite person, has nothing to do wif any pergerakan kiri or smthng like dat. N the details I gave them are valid…
so anyway, back to my point. maybe all this while its juz me who sees him as a bestfren. To him, I m juz another fren..so I guess my forms are to no importance to his life..now, for all these 11 years of frenship, dun tell me suddenly ur girlfren wld be jealous if u ever give me ur details…well, this is not my first time kot of having so-called bestfrens who dun really care…but I almost never learn anything from it..i always treat frens like goodfrens..goodfrens like bestfrens, n treat my bestfrens like siblings…I m not hating my fren now, but I guess I juz need to choose them wisely..n never take it that 11years is a long time to ever declare a best fren..years of frenship plays no role in determining the best…this issue I take it to my heart bcoz I think highly of him, regard him as a brother n his family as mine.. of course its his right to decline wateva nonsense I needed..but actually bcoz its from him, dat bothers me the most..i m used to rejections, so basically I dun mind frens of no real connection rejects me..but not him..
to my bestfren, guess u might know who u r, now I know where I stand in that world of yours. U were important ( maybe still are) in my life, guess I wasn’t in yours..
well enuf of my issue..i m kinda hungry…all this air cond makes me hungry..

me, him n God

i had some govt training for the past 10 days..being away from my 'normal' life makes me missed every single detail of my daily routine..i miss my favourite frens, i miss chilling out, i miss the kids i taught..i miss my disastrous life..i miss being unable to distinguish love n lust..i miss affection and attention...n most of all, i miss the person i ve been missing the most..pathetic? i guess so..but once loneliness knocks ur door, its juz so hard not to entertain those feeling..for 2 hours plus, i had a heart to heart talk wif the guy i miss the most..talking bout my life after him..how my life was so lost...i thought i was near to god ( or at least wanting to be there), but how i actually turn to both ways...i know god loves me, but He really challenges my will n courage..n at times He let me fall..but each time i fell, He still lets me walk back on track..i hope He wont let me be off track forever..my courage n will arent as strong as i wanted it to be..each time i pray as hard, i m gona digress as hard as well..odd..i still havent cleanse my heart..purify it..is this really is something dat i have to go thru, or issit me getting myself into trouble..things i used to hate 5 years ago, i come to appreciate it now..it took me 3 hardfalls to make me realize how he was actually taking care of me..oh God, i know u have answers to all of this..but i do notice,questions i post to u, is always answered by clues..at times , i can interpret..but most times, i juz had to pass thru those dark times..i hope i have enuf courage to go thru this, n i hope he would get his life back on track.. funny how God actually test us wif the similar dugaan..n how we failed n strive the same way within this year...God pls, help us both..i juz wanted us to become better ppl..not otherwise..

my morrie experience n the motorcycle diaries

well past few weeks i ve done reading tuesdays with morrie n the same week, i ve watched the motorcycle diaries..these 2 things, the book n the movie are such inspiring simple day by day experience..the morrie experience, it took him decades to make him the person he is..the disease made him even a more practical man..i could never imagine sitting out wif my lecturer n keeping him busy while he dictates things..i havent found anyone so full of wisdom..but then again like i said, it took him all the years n the sickness to get where he is..so content, so humble, so real..n i m such an idealist..i wish on this, and on that, and most times arent very realistic.. usually my wishes juz dont come true..but thru him i learnt that wish do come true if ur wish is practical, within means, and pure..(gesh i realized dat i can never be too long in front of the pc..i feel sleepy easily,,darn!)
the diary, was actually the journey of ernesto guevara ( he's che guevara to us) , n his very good friend granada..gesh all the journey thru the american region ( south america la) made him an idealist..n reformist..he was kind, straightforward, adventurous, bold..i definitely understand why he felt like it was his calling to be a revolutionist..a cuban revolutionist even he is an argentinian..to love and adore this guy is to watch this movie..it has nothing to do with his political career..but the journey instead reaffirm his beliefs n ideas..n made him wat he is now to us..it's actually inspiring..(m i turning myself into a communist? hehe..with mao, now che..)..ok end for now..malas nak taip byk2..i rather talk..like always :D

uncover,discover,recover

if only the sun could talk to me
i m sure he wouldnt want me be as bright as him
and if the stars could fall on me
bet i cant sparkle much more than they do

and i wish i could be so grand
to be bright and sparkling more than the world
and this is life God has just lent
for me to mould and discover my soul

would i want to discover more?
for the deeper i go,the uglier it seems
for all the brightness on the whole
seems to darken as i search within

and there's only so much a man can do
to uncover and recover the selfless soul
for everyone it seems they'll never knew

how deep and far they dare to go...

relationship

alright, i take back the first thought i wanted a blog for ( poems konon)..now lets juz pour plain thoughts on certain issues in life..i was out wif jumy yesterday..well apart from discussing about the world like we always do, there is this common topic we love to discuss..relationship..does it really matter that we have a special or particular girlfriend or boyfriend? does it really matter that we need to be in a relationship? does it really matter to declare ones love to another so dat the outsiders dont bother with our loving half?..does it really matter to have a commitment to a girl or guy and let everyone knows about it?
hmm here's wat i think..it doesnt really matter to have that one particular person in the world, coz u can always have a handful of special frens at the same time..unless this is very 'husband or wife material' la, of course..(thats for keepsake) i think to declare to be each other's better half also aint that important..to be committed to one person does not need declaration..to be committed is juz plainly being committed to him ( or her..but i'll refer to him from here on).. he's the 1st person u would tell the good news, or the bad ones..or to mengadu sakit, or mengadu domba...and dat, my fellow fren, doesnt have to be ur other half..it can be any of ur favourite fren..true? i m not saying all this coz i m plainly single right now..but its juz dat, i think for me right now, boyfren ( or buah hati ) has lost its meaning..all my guy frens are my boyfrens..most of them are very special to me...n i think to most of them, i m special to them as well..well not in that particular gf thingy, but as a fren..gender never actually plays any role in defining frenship...good frens are good frens despite being a male or female..
jumy said some thing the other day..i think its something like this ..ops i remembered..not jumy..but jibam..he said girls should always be laid back in pursuing guys of their interest..coz if the guy thinks u r worth the effort, they'll come by u..n if they dont, meaning that they juz dun think u r worth their time..or being serasi for that matter...i m not saying we girls are not worth it..dun have to pull oneself too low...but it always takes 2 to tango...right? so chemistry has to run both ways...mcm blaja persamaan redoks back in our secondary skool..btul tak? the charge of the atoms has to be balanced both right n left..gosh i think i m pretty melalut la plak..i m actually waiting for Boy to come pick me for lunch...guess this must be my hunger pangs talking..hehe,,
anyway maybe i m still being picky or choosy or juz plain lazy on discovering new potential mate for life, so everyone seems special to me..always have a special place in my heart..maybe at times i can be perasan, but who cares..malu being perasan is juz only temporary..i've gotten over it..but if i never approach, i'll never know, do it? so i dun really take jibam's advice letter by letter...i do approach some ppl, if somehow they act like they arent interested, fine..juz walk away...one down, millions to go ..:D aint that true..ok laa...tak larat nak melalut..

second trial

hey..this is just a trial..