at lost

i think right now ,the very thing i fear is commitment. i thought i am not. but now, hey i am. hahah. i know this comes as no surprise to many, but it is indeed a revelation for me. perhaps i have come to my senses.

i am picky, i am choosy, i am selective. apart from that, i am indecisive, i am nasty, i am at times self centred when it comes to this.

amoi said yesterday over buka that u rarely get things they way u want it to be, so maybe, this is the calling for my situation right now. huhu.

i feel like spilling the details out, but somehow just as much as i m openminded and transparent, i just couldn't make myself to tell all and share it with u people.

at times i do fear if i might miss this train to 'heaven', when i dont aboard the current train. i take it as there's always next time. there's always more trains heading so many other places. but could it be someday there'll be no train running my course? no trains even functioning at all? when that time comes, everything would just stop and will i just be lost and grieve over things that i've missed?

this entry has so much to do with my 'bad-ass' entry. so much .so so much. at times, i do hope i could just get back to that very minute where it all started, and stop it.

but hey, life goes on. i mean, it has to be. coz i am waiting for the next train. the next right train.