syahdu

it is malam raya haji tonight. raya haji eve org kampung i kata.

my 4-month course is over. soon it's time for posting. and tonight, after prayers, i have my tears rolling down my cheek. rasa syahdu. the people i've missed. and will miss. the friends who are gone. and are going away. the sins i've committed. and those i might commit.

rasa syahdu. rasa sayu. funny. if it's in kampung right now, i am sure that i won't feel as syahdu. the kitchen and the living hall are gona be bloody noisy with energetic people, from the likes of nenek spore and to the little aida. sume orang kecoh masa malam raya.

but apparently, in this quiet rumah no. 12, i felt so sayu, even with my parents downstairs and ben talking on the phone to the gf sampai tertido.

i prayed for my wellbeing, for contoh lelaki harapan dunia akhirat, for my boss Dato' Husni and wife, for Fahmi, for Amiri, for Pauz, Jany, Burn, for Shahir, for my brothers; Ben and Shahid, for my nenek spore, for my atuk Taib, for Rafiza, for Norizam, for Nini, Amoi and As, for Azni, for my late grandmother.

for all the guys i am leaving behind, huhuhu. sayu gak tu. for all my sins, done and will do. for all my tantrums and temperaments.

to everyone, selamat hari raya haji. maaf zahir batin dari lubuk hati saya.