nocturnal morning person?

for the past few weeks, so many things had happened to me. and most times, it was mistakes or lessons i learn with eyes wide open. i let myself fallen, beaten, manipulated and so many other things without even thinking much. i just let these people show me whatever is there they wanted to show.

as i m counting days and seconds to becoming a 26-year-old, i gotten myself lesser and lesser sleep . i don't know why. its's not that sleep has become secondary to my routine, but i have let myself OUT once too often.

of all things i realized over the weeks is me living up to my ego. i've realized that i let my ego do the talking. it wasn't me. i was lying to myself. and perhaps, a lil bit to the world who expects the best of me.

i wanted so bad to be the person of my words, but some words has become words of the centuries because so many people had learnt their lesson. it was me, who wanted to be different. to be headstrong about it. in the words of the local clan, i was just being POYO. hehe.

and another thing i've learned is that i am pushy. or with better words (according to my understanding..) determined. i felt insulted and offended knowing that a person who has always been close to me actually perceived me as pushy, overconfident and ungrateful. but after letting it sink in my grey matter more than a day, i come to realize indeed i am those things. well, at least i can be those things when the time is right.. or wrong for that matter.

and i realized at some point , i haven't got over certain memories. memories that has made me what i am now. i'm not trying to delete them, but i just want to shove it off, somewhere at the back of my brains, maybe at my medula oblongata. and that would make it subconscious. and therefore, lil things of that memory i have, i'm trying to reorganize and either i will throw it off or give it away to charity. ( do charities take accessories? :P)

my life has been full of drama these few weeks. so much for me trying to lay low. hehe at least that's what i m trying to do. so many things i want to achieve, but my drives usually depletes during the day. so there goes my first 12 non-productive hours.

i am the NOCTURNAL morning person.

maybe i just need to see myself ageing, slowly becoming a 26-year-old right in front of eyes.

owh yeah, happy new year people :) cheers!