jiwa lara

boyfriend lari?

..bukan.

takde boyfriend?

..bukan.

cinta bertepuk sebelah tangan?

..bukan.

gagal dalam peperiksaan?

..bukan.

bukan, bukan, bukan.

my jiwa right now is like blooooooooooooooooooooody lara just because kedai gambar uncle dah tutup secara rasminya. sob.sob. the place where i could develop my medium-sized format films. the only place that sells those films. the cheapest place to develop films. the only place to develop black and white films. the only place i could discuss cameras with. the only place who doesnt mind correcting the films he developed. the only kedai gambar that i could dance in. the only uncle who wouldnt mind me and ecah and my brother pestering him with so many questions.

and today, after a week of it being closed, i called. asking would he be opened today? and what time? and then, he declared, that he is old. he is retiring. he has been doing this for the longest time. he is tired. and i was flabbergasted. i felt like hilang punca. lost a friend. lost my drive. to pursue this unique photography adventure.

i hate e-six. mahal macam haram. and kerek.
i hate ys photo sri serdang. ignorant and kerek mcm haram gak. and pro e-six.
i hate applied imaging. bloody far. and they were closed when i got there.

and all the disappointment adds up when i got to know that uncle too went to ys photo to potong gambar. pergh. i felt betrayed. totally.

to add more misery, i was caught in an accident last night. a 4wd bang my car. and today, at the car repair shop, over the phone, this uncle (pelanggar) wouldnt want to bear all the cost. he wants to pay only a portion of it. and to add to all that, i m not even sure if he would bank-in the money. pergh, serabut otak gile.

and i am slouching right now. i dont feel like sitting up right. i feel like my heart drops to my chest. my head is tilted to the left. i feel like tired. betrayed. annoyed. i am doubting my day. my luck. hampa. sangat hampa. rasa lara. rasa kecewa. my throat is dry. tears welling in my eyes. am taking long deep breath. i cant smile.

i seriously cant smile.
please make me happy, please?